Waiting, and what not to say

I hate waiting. I was not blessed with endless patience when it comes for waiting for things to happen. I can be patient with children (a must as a parent and teacher!), but I get so annoyed waiting for things. I can't even wait to give gifts at birthdays! It makes me feel like I am stuck in place with nowhere to go. As Dr Seuss puts it:

"You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying." 

I was talking with my sister today about waiting. She is currently waiting for labour to start. She was 39 weeks pregnant as of Sunday. That baby could come any. day. now. But the waiting is driving her insane. Heck, it's driving me insane and I  am not even the one pregnant! I have someone ask me almost every day, "Is there a baby yet?" And while I know my friends are just curious, sometimes I want to scream when they ask! It's not like I haven't been excitedly talking about this baby for months. As soon as I know, I will most likely tell them! Since E was early, I can only imagine what my sister is feeling though. I'm picturing what I would have been like, and let me tell you, it isn't pretty. Imagine a hugely pregnant lady (I was massive, and he was ALL out in front), grouchy and uncomfortable. Actually, I am picturing myself as more of a bear because that's how irritable I would have been!


It must run in the family since my mother is not very good at waiting either. My sister has said that she has had many "I'm not phoning to check on if you have had the baby, but I am phoning to check if you have had the baby" phone calls already. She hasn't even hit her due date yet! I think my mother was spoiled by E coming 10 days early. I only got one of those phone calls asking about "so, are you dilated yet?"  I did get a comment by a random stranger the weekend before he was born saying that I was "about to pop." Um, thanks random guy. Thanks.

So in the interest of "due any day" pregnant ladies everywhere, here is what NOT to say:

• "You must be about to pop!"--Um no, actually, I am not about to "pop." I don't know what you were told but that is not how babies are born. 
• "Any day now!"--Oh really? I had no idea! I totally forgot that my due date was coming up. It isn't like I've been measuring time by it for about NINE months!
• "How dilated are you?"--And you are asking about my lady parts why? I don't come up and ask you how your bowels are doing, so why the heck are you asking about my cervix?!
• "You must be uncomfortable!"--Really? You think? I'm only carrying around an extra PERSON that happens to be using my bladder as a pillow/trampoline/punching bag and is also using the rest of my body to practice his/her karate on! I'm completely comfortable.
• "Get your sleep now"--Oh, you can bank sleep now? Too bad I can't sleep anyway because I have a giant belly with a person who likes to have a party in the middle of the night. Let's not even talk about the hourly bathroom wake-ups.
• "You are HUGE." or the reverse, "You're so tiny!"--You're huge too! But at least my size will change in a few weeks (any comment on a woman's size, at any time of her life, is not okay unless it is a compliment.)
• "Are you STILL pregnant?"--Um, no, actually, I just decided to shove a pillow in my shirt for fun.
• "Have you tried...(insert list of suggestions for bringing about labour here)?"--While I know these people have the best of intentions, I can see this one getting a little annoying! Just because "x" seemed to work for you, doesn't mean it actually works! 

These are just the ones I heard when I was pregnant with E. Do you have anything to add to the list?