meditations of a blueberry

Recently I got lost in my diary from high school, and the more I read, the more my heart broke for 14 year old me. How worthless and unlovable I used to find myself! And how much I believed those lies. Signs of my depression peeking through amidst the teenage angst. I often wonder how I made it through. I started wondering what I would tell her if I could go back and comfort her. Timers on cameras and just hoping that it turned out okay! What do you tell someone who is hurting and only sees dark? What do you say to encourage a young girl who feels so alone? What words do you use? I would tell her that her worth is not tied to boys. That she is beautiful whether a boy thinks she is or not. That what these teenage boys think won't matter in a few years. That it's okay to be on her own and not be dating someone. That she doesn't need to do something just because a boy wants her to. That she is in charge of her body. That she will make mistakes but that they don...

BOY! Last week we had our 20 week ultrasound. Even after 8 ultrasounds with E (due to his velementous cord insertion issue), I am still amazed at how you can get a peek at the little life that is growing. Baby looked great! We were so nervous that something would be amiss that would risk us out of a home birth, but my midwife told us it was a perfect ultrasound. Baby's measurements are all perfect, my placenta is in the back and up high, and everything else looks fantastic too. It was SUCH a relief to hear that. I still have memories of the ultrasound we had that told us we were going to miscarry, so I am always a bit nervous at them. And I remember how my doctor called the night of the ultrasound with E to tell us there was something wrong with the cord and where it was inserted. We were hoping to find out the sex of this baby, and baby definitely cooperated. I was really hoping for a girl because girls are rare on mrblueberry's side of the family and I have always want...