meditations of a blueberry

Photo by Snow Pea Portraits Living with a toddler is what I imagine living with someone with bipolar disease is like. There are such high highs, and such low lows. And all can happen within seconds. One second I am pulling out my hair because E is doing one of the numerous frustrating things that toddlers do and the next I am smiling tears because he has come up and given my belly a hug and kiss. This new stage has been difficult to deal with for sure. The toddler tantrums, the throwing of things, the hitting, the biting...I know it's all part of E learning and testing his boundaries, but some days I wonder what I got myself into. And yes. It is completely frustrating. I have found myself reaching deep into my toolbox of things I used in my classroom and finding that some days, nothing works. It sure doesn't help that E is not really talking yet. Truthfully, I think that a lot of his "bad behaviour" is due to his inability to communicate effectively verbally yet.

Waiting. I hate waiting. I already wrote about how I hate waiting when my sister was pregnant , but I am reminded yet again of how much I really do hate waiting. The waiting this time though is different. I am impatiently waiting, yet almost wishing for time to slow down so that I can get those last minute snuggles with just E before this baby comes. It's an odd feeling to want time to hurry up and slow down at the same time. Even though it seems like an eternity until my guess date, I know that when this little boy finally makes his arrival it will feel like time sped up for these last few weeks. It doesn't help that I am completely and utterly uncomfortable. Every single pregnancy discomfort seems to have graced my body in the last weeks. Just last night good old pregnancy insomnia decided to pay me a visit. I could go on about how sore and exhausted my body is for ages (and have to my friends--SORRY), but I won't. Soon, this baby will be joining us in the world, and

Earlier today, I was thinking about all the drama that has gone on in my life and in my friends' lives lately. And I thought about how my life is about to change yet again very soon and the drama that could come with that. And I came to a conclusion. I will not allow other people's issues to run my life. I will not stop going places because I might run into them. I will not take opportunities away from my child because someone else has different ideas about how children should be raised. I will not change who I am because someone else thinks that how I do things is wrong. No. I am putting my foot down right now. I am who I am. I believe what I believe for a reason. I did not just fall into my parenting style. It evolved from my teaching style. If someone doesn't like it, too bad for them. I will not apologize for who I am or for who my child is or for how I parent him.  I don't get why everyone is so interested in how everyone else parents. It's like some craz

33 weeks pregnant. Taken by the lovely Snow Pea Portraits. How in the world have I been pregnant for 36 weeks already? It literally seems like yesterday that I peed on that stick, hoping against hope that that was the month that we finally did something right. And now, here I am staring labour and delivery almost right in the face. More importantly, I am staring down this next change in our lives! We have our home visit with our midwife today, and in two-six weeks, I will be holding my precious little boy. I will be introducing E to his little brother and helping him adjust to not being the "baby" anymore. I just can't believe how quickly time has gone by. Being 36 weeks pregnant, I have officially hit the wall. I am huge. Seriously huge. Yesterday, the specialist we went to see for E (jokingly) asked me if I was only hours away from giving birth. This little guy is just RIGHT out in front and it's doing a number to my body. I am achy all the time. My hips liter

Today is that special day we set aside to celebrate our mothers. I have always appreciated my mom. But as I continue in my own journey of motherhood, I have begun to realize everything she did for me. I didn't always see the sacrifices she made for us, or the pain that some of our words and actions caused her. How oblivious we can be as children! So, Momma, today I thank you and hope that you know that I love you and appreciate everything you have done for me, and continue to do for me. You are a fantastic mother and a fantastic grandmother. Thank you for everything Momma!

If you are in the mommy world at all, then you have likely seen the new cover of Time magazine. Heck, even if you aren't, I am sure you have seen it. News stations and talk shows seem to be all a flutter about it. In the odd chance that you haven't, check it out here . My sister posted that link to my Facebook wall yesterday morning. At first, I was floored and excited that such a mainstream and popular magazine was portraying extended breastfeeding...and on the cover no less! But then I looked closer. And I was disappointed. Not only does the photo itself seem to have been chosen solely for shock value (really, even the "drive by" nursing moments are not like this), but the caption made my heart sink. In the link I gave you, there are so many other, better photos that they could have chosen that truly show what extended breastfeeding looks like. I can only imagine how the photo they did choose for the cover is going to "add fuel to the fire" to those who ar

My sister applying henna to my belly Today, I was fortunate enough to spend a few hours with some very fabulous women as we celebrated the last few weeks that I have left of this pregnancy. I am so grateful that my sister wanted to organize a mother blessing for me. I have been looking forward to this day for quite a while, and even though there were some chaotic moments with the kids, it didn't disappoint. These fantastic mothers in my life have left me feeling not only loved and supported, but renewed for this last bit of pregnancy. Amazingly, I did not really cry, although there were moments that I was sure I was about to burst into tears. From the meaningful quotes on the fabric for the support banner, to the thoughtful reasons why each person chose the bead they chose, I am not sure how I managed not to! I absolutely love the thought that was put into choosing each and every item. I wish I had written down some of the reasons because I just know I will forget. My sister g

Blessed. I think of myself as very blessed. Besides my fabulous husband and child (soon to be children), I have fabulous and very supportive family and friends. I have never felt judged nor looked down upon for choices that I have made as a parent. I have read so many comments about people who have less-than-supportive friends and family. People who have had their loved ones tell them they are wrong/reckless/disgusting for choices they have made regarding their children. Even my close group of friends have had negative comments made to them about choices they have made. I keep waiting for such negativity to flood into my life, but it has yet to do so. I feel extremely lucky that I haven't had to deal with any such comments.  Thanks for always supporting me Mom and Dad! I have managed to surround myself with fantastic and mostly like-minded friends thanks to momstown, and if my family (both mine and mrblueberry's) doesn't agree with my choices, well, they don't s