Emotions

For the last six months, we have been trying to conceive baby #2, and I am still breastfeeding E. Luckily (or unluckily depending how you look at it), my period returned at four months post-partum with E and has been regular-to-the-day ever since. I figured this would make things easy and we would conceive quickly. I was wrong. Every month I find myself waiting and listening to my body and hearing things that aren't there. Every little twinge or nauseous feeling makes me think, "oh, this is the month!" And every month, I am disappointed. We have had more sex in the past six months than we have had in the past 2 years! You would think this would be a good thing, but the problem with trying-to-conceive sex is the pressure. There's no, "I'm tired, let's just do it tomorrow" when you are trying to make sure you catch that magical ovulation day. In the grand scheme of things, I realize six months is not that long. It took us 8 months the first time to get pregnant, and then 2 months after the miscarriage to get pregnant with E. It doesn't make it easier. EVERY pregnancy announcement grates on my nerves. EVERY pregnancy announcement makes me want to cry. Why do they get to be pregnant? Especially my friends who haven't been trying for very long. An old friend of mine just told me she is pregnant, and it certainly wasn't a planned pregnancy.  I am happy for her (and everyone else who has told me they are pregnant), but it doesn't change the fact that part of me is so mad that it's been "easy" for them. I actually remember feeling this exact same way after the miscarriage. Every pregnant person I saw made me want to crumple up into a ball and cry. Is it wrong to feel that way? I don't know. All I know is that I do.