meditations of a blueberry

From as far back as I can remember, I always wanted to have kids. I even wrote a letter to my future daughter when I was 16. I still have it, sealed away in a decorated envelope full of teenage doodles and angst on the outside. I'm dying to know what I wrote inside.  I don't know what I pictured having kids would be like. Likely some picture perfect vision with sounds of laughter and little feet running around while I read them books, tried to avoid stepping on Lego, and drove them to basketball games. I suppose I got some of it right. I'd like to say that I wasn't wearing rose coloured glasses, but that would be lying. Truthfully, I don't think I ever really thought about what it would actually be like to have kids. And if I did, those visions definitely did not include very young kids. I just always knew that I wanted to have kids. But I didn't know what it actually meant to have kids, to be a mom. I didn't know how intense, and yet h

As I lay in my bed tonight, the soft breathing of a baby on the cusp of toddlerhood surrounds me. She's insisting on snuggles on my chest. Her sweet, chubby, little hand is gripping tightly to my necklace as her body stretches out along my own. The little curl by her ear is visible in the glow of my screen and the tips of her eyelashes flutter close to the top of her cheeks. One year ago, I was simultaneously cherishing the last moments of pregnancy and wishing she would make her appearance soon. And now, I find myself wondering what time has done with my baby. It wasn't very long ago that I roared a squishy, 11 lb 6 oz baby girl into this world in my kitchen. Surrounded by love, strength, and support, I surrendered and learned how powerful I truly was. I learned what the true power of WOMAN was.  Surrounded by other strong women, I dug deep inside myself and found a power that I didn't believe I had. Bringing a baby into the world, no matter how one does it, is always