meditations of a blueberry

I have 3 boys. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. They regularly melt my heart the only way a son can, and frustrate me in all of the other ways any child can. I love them with all of my heart and soul. We never once "tried for a girl." But, if you think for a second that I did not feel an ounce of disappointment at any of our ultrasounds, you'd be sorely mistaken.  From the time I was very young, I dreamed of having a girl. I picked out names that I loved and imagined all of the fun things we would do. I pictured helping get her into her wedding dress and holding her babies. When I was 16, I wrote a letter and sealed it to my future daughter at her 16th birthday. That was 16 years ago this upcoming April. I want to know what I wrote so badly, but I keep it hidden away for the future. And then I married a man who comes from a family of mostly boys.  When I had my first son, I fell in love. He took my heart that I willingly gave him. He was a sur...

BOY! Last week we had our 20 week ultrasound. Even after 8 ultrasounds with E (due to his velementous cord insertion issue), I am still amazed at how you can get a peek at the little life that is growing. Baby looked great! We were so nervous that something would be amiss that would risk us out of a home birth, but my midwife told us it was a perfect ultrasound. Baby's measurements are all perfect, my placenta is in the back and up high, and everything else looks fantastic too. It was SUCH a relief to hear that. I still have memories of the ultrasound we had that told us we were going to miscarry, so I am always a bit nervous at them. And I remember how my doctor called the night of the ultrasound with E to tell us there was something wrong with the cord and where it was inserted. We were hoping to find out the sex of this baby, and baby definitely cooperated. I was really hoping for a girl because girls are rare on mrblueberry's side of the family and I have always want...