meditations of a blueberry

Miss A turns 2 tomorrow. We have moved out of babyhood, and are fully into toddlerhood. For the first time, I will have a 2 year old without a newborn. And I gotta say, it is loads easier dealing with toddlers when you don't have a newborn or giant belly to carry around too. I don't know how I did it. How did I ever manage to get through the days? There were some dark days. Some days that I am not sure how I made it through. But I did. And now I have my last baby officially exiting the baby years. I look over to her sleeping on the couch, and I realize that soon the naps, the diapers, the breastfeeding, and the babywearing will all slowly disappear. One day, I'll realize that she hasn't nursed in weeks. That she hasn't asked to go "uppy" in months. That she hasn't napped in weeks. We have passed so many last firsts, and now so many last lasts are on the horizon. The last time she asks for "nannies." The la...

I've moved on. From the baby stage. From the nonstop diaper changing and being the sole source of nourishment. From the endless nights of clusterfeeding. From the pregnancy heartburn. From the feeling of a baby digging its foot into my ribs. From torpedo bellies. From not being able to see my toes. From not being allowed to sleep on my stomach. From strangers' inappropriate questions. From nonstop leaky breasts. I've moved on. And yet, I linger. In the sweet baby squish that still remains. In the smell that I can still faintly smell amongst her baby fine hair. In her still pudgy little fingers and toes. In the way she still snuggles into me, like I am the only one there. In the eyelashes that rest against her cheeks as she sleeps. In the memory of how it felt to carry life within. In the urgency of her latch when she's tired and is looking for more than just nourishment for her belly. In the lines and marks that pregnancy graced me with as a reminder to the miracle ...

As I lay in my bed tonight, the soft breathing of a baby on the cusp of toddlerhood surrounds me. She's insisting on snuggles on my chest. Her sweet, chubby, little hand is gripping tightly to my necklace as her body stretches out along my own. The little curl by her ear is visible in the glow of my screen and the tips of her eyelashes flutter close to the top of her cheeks. One year ago, I was simultaneously cherishing the last moments of pregnancy and wishing she would make her appearance soon. And now, I find myself wondering what time has done with my baby. It wasn't very long ago that I roared a squishy, 11 lb 6 oz baby girl into this world in my kitchen. Surrounded by love, strength, and support, I surrendered and learned how powerful I truly was. I learned what the true power of WOMAN was.  Surrounded by other strong women, I dug deep inside myself and found a power that I didn't believe I had. Bringing a baby into the world, no matter how one does it, is always...