meditations of a blueberry

Loïc James, wrapped in a blanket from my own birth It's been a little over five weeks since my life was changed yet again. On June 27, 2014 at 4:29 am, little L arrived in our bedroom! He weighed 10 lbs 10 oz, was 19.5 inches long, and had a 15.75 inch head circumference. He was big! Only five weeks, yet it seems like he's always been a part of our family. E and A are loving being big brothers. E dotes on L and keeps asking why L cannot go for a bike ride or play with bubbles with him. A is also smitten, but every so often (more than I would like) he remembers he is two and forgets what being gentle looks like. Little L is going to be able to take anything if that keeps up. Perhaps that is just the way it is for baby number three? I started this blog post with the intention of writing my birth story, but I'm not sure I'm ready. L's birth did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. After the relative smoothness of A's birth, I had been  expecting that this b...

Tonight I sat in my boys' room as the 4 year old was dreaming away, and the 2 year old was trying to go to sleep and relished the sound of the deep breathing of two of my greatest joys. As I sat there, the unborn child stretched out reminding me of his existence too (you know, just in case I had forgotten) and I was brought back to my birth experiences with both boys. I recounted how my water broke with E and how we went to the hospital so early . I remembered feeling out of control and stuck, especially when they brought out the forceps. And I remembered how completely amazing it was to hold him and look in his eyes for the first time, even if he was so tightly swaddled all I could see was his face! I then thought back to my experience with A and how completely different it was . I remembered feeling in control as I listened to my body tell me what it needed. I remembered feeling scared and worried too that I wouldn't be able to push him out. I remembered having to fight that ...