meditations of a blueberry

I mentioned in my last post that I was working on a list of things I want to do before I turn 30. It was hard to narrow it down and decide which things I really wanted to do, but I was finally able to after a lot of thought. I finally finished it, and as promised here it is: 30 things to do before I am 30 1. Have a home birth, free from drugs or interventions. 2. Finish E’s first year scrapbook, and start on the new baby’s. 3. Do the "Walk to Remember" in honour of the baby we lost. 4. Eat more fruits and vegetables, and less sugary stuff. (This is a work in progress, but it's slowly happening!) 5. Volunteer my time once a month. 6. Call both my mom and my dad at least once a week, just to say hi. 7. Sew a blanket for the new baby. 8. Paint the bottom half of the walls in E’s bedroom. 9. Go see Rocky Horror Picture Show at the theater. 10. Go for Sunday walks with the family (unless it’s colder than -20) 11. Change out some of the photos in our pho...

I cannot believe that 2011 is almost at an end, and 2012 is nearly upon us. It seems like yesterday that I was in high school and we were wondering what would happen when the computers had to turn over to 2000. I remember the panic and worry that took over some people's lives that year. Stock piles were built, prayers were said, and we waited. And nothing happened. January 1, 2000 came and went without any more issues than New Year's Day usually has. Now, it is twelve years later. I have been married for five and a half years, we own a house, we have a dog and cat, we have an 18 month old son, and we are expecting baby #2. Wow. Time sure flies as an adult. Sometimes I wish I could just push pause on the remote control of life so that I can enjoy what I have fully before it's gone. Unfortunately, that remote control is only a fantasy (and as the movie "Click" pointed out, not always a good thing).  So what did 2011 bring the blueberries? More than I could have im...

When mrblueberry and I moved in together, we decided to spend Christmas together by alternating years with our families. One year we were at his parents, one year at mine, and then the next we spent just the two of us. It worked great. But it can be a shock when you spend Christmas at someone else's home. Everyone has different traditions and they may not be in line with what you are used to! The first Christmas with mrblueberry's family was very different for me. I am used to waking up (much too) early and opening up stockings--always with my sister first, putting it all back in, and then waking up my brother and opening them with him too--then waiting for a more reasonable time to wake up our parents to open gifts before breakfast. That first Christmas with mrblueberry's family was no different in my mind. I woke up early....and waited. We didn't open gifts until nearly 10:30, after breakfast. I felt like I was going a bit crazy because I was used to opening the...

I came across a blog post about baby cereals recently and why you should avoid them. After reading it, I was so happy that we decided to skip them. At the time, I just didn't think they were necessary (they aren't), but after reading that rice cereal can contain ARSENIC, I am glad I trusted my gut. Unfortunately, this isn't the only thing I have read about the problems with commercially made baby food. Just today another post popped up in my Facebook feed about how much salt is contained in Gerber ready made toddler "foods," more than TWO medium orders of McDonald's french fries! I often get asked about our journey starting solid food, and I love telling people how we did it! I wasn't aware that there WAS another way and that I didn't have to do purees until I did the research. So, how did we start the solid food journey? Well, it was a bumpy ride at first. I decided that I would NOT be buying baby food and started offering E homemade pear puree a...

Recent events have gotten me thinking more about our miscarriage. Don't get me wrong, I think about it nearly every day--especially being pregnant again--but these events have put it into the forefront of my mind. I've been reliving those days, and, truthfully, I don't like it. But that is okay. It is all part of grieving. And yes, even though it's been over 2 years, I am still grieving. I will grieve for that lost life for the rest of my life. It gets easier with time, but it never goes away. And each time I hear the same awful news of a friend or loved one, I cry again. Both for them and the pain I know they are going through, and for myself.  In the past month alone, I have had two friends come to me for support in their time of pain. And both of them have been a bit hesitant, understandably. I don't hide that I am still dealing with emotions from my miscarriage. But I am so glad they were able to reach out for support, and honoured that they thought of me. Misca...

When I was a little girl, we would often spend part of Christmas break at my Nana and Grampa's house. And each time, we always did some sort of Christmas craft. My Nana was a crafty lady back in the day, and she was not afraid to attempt crafts with us kids that I never would have. She had an area in her basement dedicated to sewing and crafts. It was fantastic. One year, we made these really cute "pop can carolers", and for the past 5 years, I have wanted to make more. Finally, I got my act together and did it this year. I think they turned out pretty good!  What you need:  -washed and dried pop cans (the cans without the wide mouth work best, but I don't know if you can even get these anymore)  -acrylic paint (or another paint that works on metal) in black,"skin tone", pink and your choice of colours -clear acrylic spray  (optional) -fabric scraps  -buttons, rhinestones, flowers, etc for embellishments  -socks (if ankle sock, 1 per caroler...

Ever feel like this after reading something online? What is it about the internet that seems to fuel fights? I have both seen and experienced the issues that come from the written word being taken the wrong way. People have been hurt, and are hurt daily, due to the way someone worded a comment, blog post, or email. It can be so hard to know how someone means something when you don't have their voice and body language to help. What drives me crazy about this issue, is that we KNOW this. Social media has been around for quite awhile in some form or another; it's not like we are still "getting to know it."  That being said, there are people in older generations that have just discovered how great Facebook is for keeping in touch, and may not be as "internet savvy" as my generation. I get that, and I tend to give my parent's generation a little more leeway (but not my parents, we have had a computer and been connected for as long as you COULD be connecte...

For some reason, when you become a parent people think they need to offer you advice, ask bizarre questions and tell you their horror stories. These offers of unsolicited advice actually start when you are pregnant , and don't end with birth. Even with E being almost 17 months, I am still receiving advice I never asked for! It can get quite frustrating, as there are as many ways to parent your children as there are parents. And just because something worked for one child doesn't mean it will work for another. E is currently going through something (developmental leap?) that is affecting his sleep like nothing else has before. He wakes up constantly, and does NOT want to sleep in his crib. He will sleep on you, but the second you try to put him down in his own bed, he screams. Thank goodness that mrblueberry is an engaged partner who participates in the nighttime parenting. If I had to do this alone, I think I would likely pull out my hair. In my complaining about his sleep issu...

For as long as I can remember, I have gone to a ceremony for Remembrance Day. Most often, it was one done through a school. I am not sure when they started to mean more than getting out of class and going to an assembly to me, but somewhere along the line, I realized what that assembly was actually for. I remember one ceremony in particular. I think I was in Grade 11, and as part of our social studies class, we were required to participate in the ceremony. We rehearsed and performed a sort of "re-enactment" of one of the battles in World War II.  All I remember is the sound of gunfire and having to pretend I was dead in front of our whole school. I remember thinking how awful it would have been to be surrounded by real gunfire. What would those brave soldiers have been thinking as they were hearing that gunfire?  What were those soldiers' brave families thinking as their husbands and wives and sons and daughters were hearing that gunfire? The ceremony that moved me the ...

This is what I've been doing with my week. How about you?

Photo by Snow Pea Portraits. Thanks Jen! I have a confession to make, and it makes me feel like a fraud. The past couple of months I have talked about our journey trying to conceive and how my friends' pregnancy announcements have affected me. And the whole time, I've been keeping a secret. I am pregnant and due in early June! Yes, you read that right. I have suspected this was so since my sister's Mother Blessing when I was in Golden, and I found out for sure on Monday, October 3.  So I have known for almost 2 months! And I continued to write, and act, as if I wasn't.  To be fair, those posts are true. I have felt (and feel) every word of every one of those posts.  Oddly, being pregnant almost made it harder for me to hear the announcements of others. Like my news was not so special anymore because they had the same news. I know. It doesn't make any sense to me either. I feel slightly deceitful, but I needed to keep my news in for the first bit and I didn'...

Nothing prepared me for what breastfeeding a toddler would entail. Nothing. Not a book, a website, or any advice from well meaning friends prepared me what it would be like to nurse a toddler. It has been 16 months of breastfeeding for E and I. At the start, it was hard because we were learning "how" to do it. Breastfeeding is a skill, and regardless of what anyone says about it being a "natural process", it doesn't come naturally for everyone. We struggled through the first months with me saying several times that I just wanted to make it to 6 weeks, then to 8 weeks, then to 12 weeks, until finally I realized I had stopped counting. Luckily, we didn't have any major latch issues, but we dealt with thrush (OUCH), overactive letdown and overproduction. Gentian violet took care of the thrush while painting E's face (and my nipples) bright purple. Block-feeding took care of the overactive letdown. I pumped, and pumped, and pumped to save all that precious e...