Merging Christmas
When we got pregnant, we decided that we would not be travelling at Christmas (or any other holiday). We wanted to establish our own traditions with our own family and not spend the holiday on the road. Our families understood, although I am sure they were a little disappointed (with the exception of my dad...when he heard, he told me, "Good for you!"). Last year was the first year together with our little family. Everything went fantastically, although E was a bit tired and we had to "speed open" the gifts by the end. In retrospect, we should have just given him a break and then resumed opening a bit later. But old traditions die hard!
Until now, we hadn't had any arguments about different holiday traditions. Last night, however, that changed. I was wrapping up the last of the gifts, and mrblueberry asked what the "Santa" gift for E was. I told him, and he expressed that he would like Santa gifts to be unwrapped, under the tree (especially when the kids are older) because that was how they had done it in his house. When I tried to explain that I liked them wrapped, he basically told me that things always seem to go my way and that his wants get pushed aside. And of course because I am hormonal and pregnant, I got upset and wasn't able to discuss it rationally. Now I can think of many rational reasons why I like them wrapped (for example, if they aren't wrapped, I won't see the look on their faces when they see them the first time!). But I can also see why he got upset. I still wake up early and though it's not the 4 am (or earlier some years) that my sister and I opened our stockings at, I know mrblueberry would prefer to sleep as long as possible. Yet, he gives in to my craziness and gets up when I do. Sigh. This whole "merging of traditions" is hard. I am glad we don't also have religious traditions to merge. I can't imagine what those families must go through!
So, how can we merge our traditions and still stay true to them and to each other?
- Be flexible and creative. Realize that you may need to alter some of what you are used to, but don't let that be a bad thing!
- Go slowly. Don't throw out all the traditions and start fresh, but don't feel like you have to do EVERYTHING that both people are used to doing either. Pick and choose your favourites, and slowly see how you can incorporate or change the others. And remember, some traditions will evolve organically over time without you realizing it. Those are the best ones!
- Make some of your OWN traditions. Mrblueberry wants to start a tradition of watching all six Star Wars movies over Christmas break. We also talked about going tobogganing on Boxing Day as a family every year. These new things will replace some of the ones that we were used to growing up.
- Recognize each person's feelings. While a tradition may seem silly or "wrong" to you, if your partner is expressing that they would like to keep it, it is most likely important to them. Be compassionate about it, just as you would expect them to be compassionate to your feelings.
- Remember it's about the spirit of the traditions, not the actual traditions themselves. If you want to see the look on your kids' faces when they see the gifts, but your partner wants them unwrapped, make a "no coming out of room" rule unless it's to get you!
What are some of your suggestions for merging Christmas traditions, especially with kids?
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