Shyness, insecurity and making friends

Some of you may or may not know this, but I am actually an incredibly shy (and slightly insecure) person. That may come as a surprise to many of you (I'm talking to you momstown moms!) as you have seen me out and about and heard me talk, but it is absolutely true. I am secure in my decisions and own them, but as a person, I have always had nagging insecurities. I have never fared well in large groups of people, even groups that are made up of mostly people I know. It takes me a long time to connect with people and make new friends. I find myself shutting myself off a little and hiding behind a wall. I am quiet and not the person that I am in small groups. I have heard people say that they thought I was a bit of a snob or that I am intimidating because of this, but in reality, it was (is) just me feeling like I need to protect myself. I'm not an anti-social person; I just need time to connect with people! Mrblueberry and I used to get into a lot of arguments because of this issue. He always thought I wasn't enjoying myself, or that I didn't like his friends when that wasn't the reality at all.

High school was rough for me. I was bullied (as most of us were). I never really fit in to any group and instead just floated around the outside, never being a true "outsider" but never truly fitting in anywhere. I continued to be a floater in university, and I can honestly say that I made very few true friends. Fast forward to today, and I just haven't formed many true friendships. I have a handful of people that I would call my true friends, and half of them are momstown moms! Having E truly gave me the push to put myself out there and meet people. Although, I do find that he can be an excuse too for not connecting with people. Instead of focusing on what is going on around me, I sometimes focus only on him. Even as I am doing it, I know I am and I just can't seem to stop. It bothers me to no end. And I end up critiquing myself afterwards about what I could have and should have done instead. I need to remember to just live in the moment and not worry about anything else. Sure, it's important to be cautious but sometimes we need to take risks. Otherwise, how will we ever grow and learn and meet new people?

It is hard to make friends as an adult. I have said it before and I will say it again. But momstown has helped me to overcome some of the difficulties. I have connected with several mommas that I look up to and now consider true friends. I have begun to open up and be more secure about myself. I have felt my confidence grow as I realize and learn new things about myself. I've changed and matured. Mrblueberry notices it too. He says that I have never been so social and that our roles have been reversed, where once he was the social butterfly, now I am. I still struggle with going within myself at events where I don't know a lot of people, but I have gotten better. I realize it is something I will likely have to work on my entire life. So, if you see me out at an event and I seem a bit closed off, please don't take it as something against you. Please don't think I am trying to be a snob. Instead, please be patient with me as I try to work through my own issues of insecurity and shyness. And, if you want, feel free to remind me to live in the moment!