Pregnancy and Breastfeeding: A Hard Combo
Breastfeeding a toddler while pregnant is not easy. I went into this with the full knowledge that it would be hard. But I didn't realize HOW hard. Once E and I figured out the whole breastfeeding thing, I committed myself to allowing him to self-wean. I have held the belief that that is what is best for him since he was about two months old. Now that E is 20 months old, I am starting to question that belief.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely still think it's best to let the child self-wean. And I would love for him to make the decision to stop when he is ready. But my body is starting to feel worn down. At 26 weeks pregnant, with my big belly in the way, breastfeeding is not the easy thing it used to be. My milk is more or less gone, and it has begun to change to colostrum. When E nurses, it's usually dry nursing. Dry nursing is not comfortable. It makes me restless. When he latches on, I often find myself wishing he would wean, or crying, or grimacing because that initial latch is often so painful. I have begun to employ breathing techniques to help get through it (perhaps this will help me in labour?!). And I remind myself that E still finds a lot of comfort in it. Truthfully, the hardest part for me is when I can't handle any more and I must end the session. E usually cries and I feel so badly when I tell him that there's no more milk. He's started a new phase recently too where he will hit me if he wasn't done, so I need to be on my guard to prevent that. It makes me so sad that I can't provide for him what he so obviously still wants/needs.
All of that sure sounds like nursing isn't working here anymore. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends to breastfeed until 2 or longer, as long as mutually desirable to the mother and child. E only nurses 3-4 times a day now. And while most of the sessions I find myself wishing he would wean, at least one session every day reminds me why I am doing this. Sometimes, when he finishes on one side, he will wave and say "buh-bye" and then lean in and give my boob a kiss before I put it away. Or he will stop, give me a big smile and then continue. How can I take that away from him? It is only 3 months until Baby #2 joins us. I only have 3 more months of being a "mom of one." Soon, I will have a newborn baby demanding my time (and boobs) and my time for snuggles with E will be cut down. I need to take advantage of it now!
So, we will continue on and just take one day at a time. I know I will be sad when it finally happens, but I will know that he decided and I didn't rip anything away from him. Part of me sees it happening soon. Sessions are already much, much shorter. He rarely asks for milk anymore except for at bedtime or naps. And when he wakes up in the evening, mrblueberry is now able to comfort him so I don't have to worry about being home for his first wake-up anymore. But, the other part of me doesn't see it happening soon at all. So, one day at a time. Ultimately, that's all we can do in life anyway.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely still think it's best to let the child self-wean. And I would love for him to make the decision to stop when he is ready. But my body is starting to feel worn down. At 26 weeks pregnant, with my big belly in the way, breastfeeding is not the easy thing it used to be. My milk is more or less gone, and it has begun to change to colostrum. When E nurses, it's usually dry nursing. Dry nursing is not comfortable. It makes me restless. When he latches on, I often find myself wishing he would wean, or crying, or grimacing because that initial latch is often so painful. I have begun to employ breathing techniques to help get through it (perhaps this will help me in labour?!). And I remind myself that E still finds a lot of comfort in it. Truthfully, the hardest part for me is when I can't handle any more and I must end the session. E usually cries and I feel so badly when I tell him that there's no more milk. He's started a new phase recently too where he will hit me if he wasn't done, so I need to be on my guard to prevent that. It makes me so sad that I can't provide for him what he so obviously still wants/needs.
All of that sure sounds like nursing isn't working here anymore. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends to breastfeed until 2 or longer, as long as mutually desirable to the mother and child. E only nurses 3-4 times a day now. And while most of the sessions I find myself wishing he would wean, at least one session every day reminds me why I am doing this. Sometimes, when he finishes on one side, he will wave and say "buh-bye" and then lean in and give my boob a kiss before I put it away. Or he will stop, give me a big smile and then continue. How can I take that away from him? It is only 3 months until Baby #2 joins us. I only have 3 more months of being a "mom of one." Soon, I will have a newborn baby demanding my time (and boobs) and my time for snuggles with E will be cut down. I need to take advantage of it now!
So, we will continue on and just take one day at a time. I know I will be sad when it finally happens, but I will know that he decided and I didn't rip anything away from him. Part of me sees it happening soon. Sessions are already much, much shorter. He rarely asks for milk anymore except for at bedtime or naps. And when he wakes up in the evening, mrblueberry is now able to comfort him so I don't have to worry about being home for his first wake-up anymore. But, the other part of me doesn't see it happening soon at all. So, one day at a time. Ultimately, that's all we can do in life anyway.
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