Alone in the Storm

I have two amazing and beautiful little boys. I have a husband who is supportive and loves me for who I am. I have family who loves me even though they know my worst traits. I have friends who stick by me and hold me up when I need it, even when I don't deserve it. By all measures, I should be the happiest girl in the world. But I'm not. And I don't know why.

Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I am so utterly happy. Moments that the fog lifts and my world feels perfect. But they don't last. Soon enough, the fog returns, clouds darken my skies, and the moment ends. I find myself saying and doing things without thinking more often. My patience has grown so thin that the slightest transgression from my toddler has me losing it. I snap at my husband and friends for no reason. I feel so alone. And I hate it. If I'm being honest, I have been feeling this way for months. I've tried to bring it up with friends, but didn't want to face what they might say so I never really told them everything.
Now, I'm staring into the darkness and the storm, and I don't know how to get out. Those moments of happy are fewer, and I can feel alone even with people all around me. I had thought that losing the weight would help to bring the light. Turns out it made it worse. The other day, I took the first step and reached out. I was greeted with not only support from those I consider close friends, but from many different momstown members. Messages of hope and offers of encouragement and support greeted me. Messages that assured me that I am not alone, and that I am not the only one feeling this way. What a wonderful community momstown is! I have hope that I'm not destined to feel this way forever. And until then, I will try to be more gentle with myself and remember that I am only human. Storms happen, and sometimes those storms last longer than we like. But, inevitably, the sun will come out again. It always does. And until it does, I will learn how to dance in the rain.


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