All That Matters
I sit here in my living room tonight, listening to mrblueberry get E ready for bed as baby #2 shows off his ninja skills in my belly, and I am happy. I truly am. I can't imagine my life any other way. Even through the toddler tantrums, and the lost sleep, and the one income lifestyle, I am happy. But sometimes, I find myself yearning for the other side of the fence. I look at friends' status updates on Facebook, and I wonder what I would be doing if I didn't get married, or if we had chosen to wait longer to have children. What would I be doing? Where would I be? Who would I be? Would I be happy? I think I know some of the answers to those questions, but not all. I know I would probably be teaching, likely still here in Edmonton. But I don't think I would be as happy. I think I would feel like something was missing. That there was something I still needed to do. Still, that doesn't stop the wondering. Sometimes, I really wish I had time to do something else with my life. I have friends who are writing books, a friend who is singing her way to the top, friends who are creating beautiful art, friends who are teaching and reaching the young people in our schools, and friends who, on the surface, seem to be doing a lot more than I.
But how DO I spend my day? Playing with a 20 month old. Feeding that 20 month old (he eats A LOT of food). Reading to him. Dancing with him. Managing the inevitable toddler tantrums that erupt over the oddest and most unpredictable things. Teaching him about the world. Getting kisses and hugs. My days revolve around him. Throw in some housework, the occasional check of Facebook or the momstown message boards, and you pretty much have my day. Oh, and to top it off, I am also growing a heart, a brain, two kidneys, a liver, and a myriad of other organs and tissues: a human. I think that's pretty amazing if you ask me.
So, I may wonder, but I am happy. I have a fantastic and supportive husband who not only makes me feel special and loved, but is a fantastic father. I have a son who continues to amaze me every day. I have another son on the way who I can't wait to meet. I have family who I know I can count on when and if I ever need them. I have a great group of friends that I found through momstown. I have great friends from my 'pre-mother' days (who I really need to make more of an effort to stay in touch with). Even though I may spend my days putting out the fires of toddlerhood (who am I kidding, it's not that much different than the fires of a grade one classroom), missing sleep, and figuring out how to stretch our dollars, I am happy. And in the end, that is all that matters.
But how DO I spend my day? Playing with a 20 month old. Feeding that 20 month old (he eats A LOT of food). Reading to him. Dancing with him. Managing the inevitable toddler tantrums that erupt over the oddest and most unpredictable things. Teaching him about the world. Getting kisses and hugs. My days revolve around him. Throw in some housework, the occasional check of Facebook or the momstown message boards, and you pretty much have my day. Oh, and to top it off, I am also growing a heart, a brain, two kidneys, a liver, and a myriad of other organs and tissues: a human. I think that's pretty amazing if you ask me.
So, I may wonder, but I am happy. I have a fantastic and supportive husband who not only makes me feel special and loved, but is a fantastic father. I have a son who continues to amaze me every day. I have another son on the way who I can't wait to meet. I have family who I know I can count on when and if I ever need them. I have a great group of friends that I found through momstown. I have great friends from my 'pre-mother' days (who I really need to make more of an effort to stay in touch with). Even though I may spend my days putting out the fires of toddlerhood (who am I kidding, it's not that much different than the fires of a grade one classroom), missing sleep, and figuring out how to stretch our dollars, I am happy. And in the end, that is all that matters.
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