Time Flies and Other Things

This too shall pass.

Enjoy every moment.

Time flies.

Bullshit.

Yes, that's right. I call bullshit.

Okay, okay. I am guilty of saying the first thing. Often. And it is usually my go to advice for pretty much anything. And really, it is true and I do regularly find myself muttering it throughout the day. But can we just be real for a moment? In the thick of the foggy years that consist of small children, often I just don't freaking want to hear that. I know it's true. I know. But sometimes, when the day has gone downhill at 160 km/hr from the moment I opened my eyes and all I want to do is to swim in a pool filled with wine, "this too shall pass" sounds like bullshit. I just don't want to hear it. Instead, I wanna hear "let me pour you another" or "dude, me too" or "kids can be such jerks."

And don't get me started on enjoying every moment. I don't want to enjoy every moment. There are moments I would happily erase from my memory for all eternity without even blinking an eye. Like the times (yes, plural) that a child has pooped on the floor and as I come to clean it up I find that the dog has already beat me to it (gag). Or the nights that we have spent wandering around the house with an inconsolable screaming toddler who likes to head smash you when he's angry. Or the times I've had to physically force my 18 month old into the car seat as he rips out my hair and claws my face. Yes, I would forget those if I could. Not every memory is worthy of remembering. There are many memories that I will happily remember, but not those ones. 

Time does fly though. As I sit here in my third trimester for a fourth time, I am acutely aware of that. Suddenly, I am looking at a home birth supply list and realizing that in 6 weeks I could be meeting this little life (though let's be honest, it will probably be 10 weeks!). Yes, time flies, yet somehow it also stands still. It is often during those moments that I wish I could forget that it feels like it stands still. The nights of inconsolable screaming, the seemingly endless months of potty training, the blaringly loud toddler temper tantrums. And these last weeks of pregnancy truly do take forever. Each day is its own eternity. Each night of restless legs, heartburn, and multiple bathroom trips is another eternity. Pregnancy is a Time Lord it seems. Because though each day contains an eternity of eternities, these weeks fly by. I know this to be true. Very soon, I will be holding this new life thinking "how the hell did I get here already?" With the blink of an eye, she will be taking her first steps. With another blink of an eye, I will be putting away baby clothes for the last time. And with yet another, she will be off to kindergarten. I know this to be true. Each kick in my belly reminds me of how fleeting this time really is.  Each time E wraps his arms around me whispering "I love you sister baby" it tugs at my heart reinforcing this knowledge even more. Time is flying, but in those moments, if I try hard enough, it stands still for just long enough to notice. So yes. Time flies is bullshit. But it's also very, very true. And while in moments of frustration I am grateful that it does fly, I am ever grateful that it also stands still.