Preparation is Not Just for a Zombie Apocalypse
We've always planned to have four children. From the very first conversations we had about kids before we were even married. But the decision of when to have a fourth child wasn't so much a decision as it was a "let's just do this now" random comment after having lost my job. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would happen so quickly. I wasn't even at the start of my cycle when we started trying, and yet, I still got pregnant that cycle. Apparently, this child was destined to join our family.
And now, at 36 weeks pregnant, I find myself wondering what the heck I got myself into. How on earth am I supposed to manage four children (under six years of age!) while Mr Blueberry heads back to work a (very) short 3 days after she is born? I am starting to realize how much I took him having the summers off after our other three were born for granted. No wonder I found those transitions easy! I didn't have to worry about my older kids and could just love on and nurse my new little one all day. I feel ashamed that I have ever said it was easy to add another child to our family to other moms when they expressed worry about their own pending transitions. Because now I understand. And that worry and fear is overtaking me so much that I've hardly even begun to think about the actual birth.
Or maybe I'm just choosing to focus on that rather than on the actual birth. You'd think that for the fourth time around, I would be an expert at preparing for a birth, but I feel like it's my first time again. I've prepared the supplies on the list provided by my midwife, and I've stocked my freezer and pantry, but otherwise, I don't have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing at this point in my pregnancy. It is beyond weird for me to be anticipating birth already in the middle of winter (never mind be expecting a little girl). With all three previous experiences I was 36 weeks pregnant in May. I feel like I should have all the time in the world to prepare my mind and soul for birth since there's still snow on the ground and it's cold, but in reality, I don't. In reality, this baby could come as early as 2 weeks from now. I need to get my shit together now. I need to wrap my head around this now. I can't wait! And yet, here I am. Feeling "stuck" and not knowing what to do to get ready for this birth. I don't even think I felt this unprepared for my first birth!
I'm finally starting to come to terms that this baby is coming sooner rather than later. My guess date is a month away. One month. That's it. The countdown is on. Today, I made some affirmation cards and I plan to hang up my banner from the mother blessing I had with A later. We are going to go take some maternity photos later too since I haven't done that too much this pregnancy either. And then we are blowing up the birth pool to ensure there are no holes in it. I also have Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth" sitting beside me that I plan to read through. Oh, and I will be packing our emergency hospital bag tonight too. I'll get there. I'm not sure I'll ever feel "prepared" for birth, but at least I will feel like I'm doing something to prepare!
And now, at 36 weeks pregnant, I find myself wondering what the heck I got myself into. How on earth am I supposed to manage four children (under six years of age!) while Mr Blueberry heads back to work a (very) short 3 days after she is born? I am starting to realize how much I took him having the summers off after our other three were born for granted. No wonder I found those transitions easy! I didn't have to worry about my older kids and could just love on and nurse my new little one all day. I feel ashamed that I have ever said it was easy to add another child to our family to other moms when they expressed worry about their own pending transitions. Because now I understand. And that worry and fear is overtaking me so much that I've hardly even begun to think about the actual birth.
Or maybe I'm just choosing to focus on that rather than on the actual birth. You'd think that for the fourth time around, I would be an expert at preparing for a birth, but I feel like it's my first time again. I've prepared the supplies on the list provided by my midwife, and I've stocked my freezer and pantry, but otherwise, I don't have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing at this point in my pregnancy. It is beyond weird for me to be anticipating birth already in the middle of winter (never mind be expecting a little girl). With all three previous experiences I was 36 weeks pregnant in May. I feel like I should have all the time in the world to prepare my mind and soul for birth since there's still snow on the ground and it's cold, but in reality, I don't. In reality, this baby could come as early as 2 weeks from now. I need to get my shit together now. I need to wrap my head around this now. I can't wait! And yet, here I am. Feeling "stuck" and not knowing what to do to get ready for this birth. I don't even think I felt this unprepared for my first birth!
I'm finally starting to come to terms that this baby is coming sooner rather than later. My guess date is a month away. One month. That's it. The countdown is on. Today, I made some affirmation cards and I plan to hang up my banner from the mother blessing I had with A later. We are going to go take some maternity photos later too since I haven't done that too much this pregnancy either. And then we are blowing up the birth pool to ensure there are no holes in it. I also have Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth" sitting beside me that I plan to read through. Oh, and I will be packing our emergency hospital bag tonight too. I'll get there. I'm not sure I'll ever feel "prepared" for birth, but at least I will feel like I'm doing something to prepare!
Comments