It's All About the Attitude

Assuming all goes to plan, this will be my third home birth. Lately, I've been retreating into myself more and more as I begin the journey to prepare myself for birthing this baby. With A, I had no idea what to expect after a tough hospital birth and just went with the flow. With L, I wore some serious rose coloured glasses, believing that because I had experienced home birth before that I would be able to achieve a quiet and empowering birth. Ha! That wasn't even remotely close to actual events. This time? This time I'm being more realistic. This time my glasses are clear.

I have given birth 3 times before. Each time, I yell. I scream. I swear like a trucker. I constantly say that I can't do it. No matter what my intentions are going in. No matter how much my midwife, doulas, and husband tell me otherwise. I am most certainly not the picture of calm and serenity that some women are in birth (seriously, how do they do it?!). I do not breathe my babies into the world. I do not dance them down. I fight hard and it's very obvious I am fighting (perhaps having big babies is a part of that!). I know that this time will very likely be similar. I will fight hard to bring this baby into the world. I am sure I will cry and yell. And I am definitely sure that I will swear like a trucker. But this time? This time I am going to use that to my advantage. I will take that strength and channel it back into my body.

My goal for this birth will not be to be quiet and breathe my baby out. I know my body doesn't work that way. And I've felt disappointed in the past that I haven't been able to do that. My goal this time will be to be more positive. I will try to keep my mind focused on positive thoughts...not on the fact that birth is freaking hard and I don't think I can do it. Because I know that is wrong. I know I CAN do it. I've birthed two 10+ lb  babies at home before. I can do it again. I may scream. I may yell. I am sure I will swear like a trucker. But I won't say that I can't do it. Because that isn't true. I can do it and I will do it. Now, I just need to remember this in 3-7 weeks..

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