Find Your Peace

The third trimester is hard, especially in this third pregnancy. I can't physically do a lot of things that I was able to do even just a month ago. Simple things feel like a chore. Putting on my kids' shoes is almost impossible. Picking toys up off the floor feels like a hardcore workout. I have to sit in a chair at the counter to do dishes or prepare meals. Going up the stairs leaves me feeling breathless and needing a break. I can't even do my hair without getting tired! I feel useless when mrblueberry comes home and starts in on the cleaning and playing that I used to be able to do every day.

I feel huge. Oh, who am I kidding? I am huge. And I am only going to get bigger. I'm constantly being told that I must be due any day now, when in reality I am not due for about 6 weeks. My body hurts in places that it did not hurt in during my previous pregnancies. I don't know if that's related to my prolapse or just because it's my third pregnancy. My heartburn is almost nonstop and unpredictable. I have restless legs almost every night. I am so hungry, yet can only eat a small amount at a time. I am tired. So very, very tired. 

Sure sounds like a whole bunch of negativity, doesn't it? Reading it like that, I wonder why anyone would want to be pregnant at all. But all of that is my reality right now. "Be at peace with your reality." Those words have been floating around in my head since my yoga instructor spoke them yesterday. I keep wondering how you can be at peace when it feels like you are incapable of even the simplest things. How can I be at peace with the fact that I need a rest after getting dressed?

But, that is my reality. And this isn't the first time I've gone through the third trimester. I know it doesn't last forever. Sooner than I can even imagine, these sixish weeks will be gone and I will be holding another little boy in my arms. The third trimester is hard. But it's hard for a reason. It's hard to teach us to slow down and listen to our bodies. It's hard to remind us that we need to rest. It's hard to remind us to take care of ourselves. It's hard to finish the final steps of growing a human being. That's a pretty damn fine reason to be hard if you ask me. So, while I sit here exhausted and sore, I'm trying hard to be at peace with this reality. My current reality may be hard, but it's also a time to be cherished. It's a time to rest and listen to what my body is telling me it needs. It's a time to reflect and become inward. It's a time to nourish my soul and spirit so that I can nourish a sweet baby boy. Soon that sweet baby boy will emerge, and like the butterfly emerges from the cocoon, he will spread his wings and change my world. Until that time, I will continue to breathe, listen, and try to be at peace. And if that all fails, there's always chocolate.