Beyond the Should

Being pregnant is a time like no other. It is wonderful and beautiful and scary and ugly all at the same time. There are changes happening to your body and to your mind. You're confused, amazed, determined, and trying to make the best decisions possible. And people throw information and opinions at you like they would throw water on you if you were on fire. Seriously. Being pregnant is like an invitation for hearing someone's opinion. Opinions that all start with "you should" or "you shouldn't." And what happens with all these opinions? They permeate your brain and without you even knowing it, they poison you. You start thinking "I shouldn't eat this," "I shouldn't need a nap," "I should feel this way," "I shouldn't feel this way," "I shouldn't wear this," etc, etc, etc. It's impossible to get away from, and truthfully, it continues far into motherhood. I often find myself thinking that I shouldn't be losing my temper, or I shouldn't be letting my kids do something, or I shouldn't want time to myself, or I should be following main stream a little more with some of my parenting decisions, or I should be parenting a certain way. "Should" is poison to the soul. 

Stop should-ing yourself. Stop doing what others (or yourself) tell you you should do, and instead do what your body and heart tell you you need to do. At my prenatal yoga class the other day, my instructor kept repeating these phrases and it really stuck with me. Why do we dwell on these "shoulds" instead of listening to what our body and heart needs? We need to stop poisoning our souls by dwelling on things that we "should or should not" do according to someone else's (or even our own) opinions. Those opinions are not going to help us be at peace with whatever is happening in our lives. Whether that is being terrified for a third (or first) pregnancy, needing a nap in the afternoon instead of playing with your kids, or letting some of the housework slide because you're just so exhausted, listening to the "shoulds" will not help. If we just let go of the "shoulds" and listen to our body and our hearts, and provide for them what they are asking, we will be much happier. Take that nap if your body is saying you need it. Don't worry about the laundry, whether you can barely keep your eyes open, you just want to play with the kids, or you just want to read a book. Leave the kids with Daddy or a babysitter so you can take that exercise class or get your hair done or just go and sit in a little cafe by yourself. Be gentle on yourself when you lose your temper--you're only human after all. And at the end of the day, relish in the fact that you listened to your needs and told those shoulds to take a hike. Breathe in that awareness of yourself, and do it again tomorrow. And if you had a hard time doing it today, that's ok. Take a breath and tell yourself that tomorrow the shoulds and should nots are not invited.