Bumps Along the Journey

Injuries suck. There are no other words for them. I have been sidelined, unable to run, since the BMO half marathon, and I hate it. I have been riding my bike, walking, and going to yoga but it's just not the same. I want to run! I've slowly started running for 10 minutes at a time, but it's not enough. I see all my friends and loved ones going out and getting crazy sweat on and I want to join them so badly but can't. Not only am I missing the challenge for my body, I'm missing the camaraderie that exercise had become through TNT. It's so incredibly frustrating. I feel like I'm sitting here stagnant and floundering while everyone around me is progressing. I hate it! I can't even begin to imagine what frustration I would feel if I was injured as a professional athlete, it sucks enough just as me!

I want to be out there running and challenging my body. I don't want to be taking it easy, worried about my knee. I'm scared that unless I get out there soon, all that hard work the past 6 months will have been for nothing. I'm scared my drive to exercise will be lost and I'm going to gain back the 47 pounds I have lost. I don't want to go back to the person I was before. I wasn't happy in her body. She was out of shape and constantly out of breath for the simplest things. She was often tired and felt yucky most of the time. This new person I like. She has a lot more energy, and can do things the old me could have never done. I'm still getting used to this body and I still double take whenever I catch a glimpse in the mirror, but I like it. I don't want to lose it. And that's how I know this journey isn't over for me. I may be pretty close to my ideal weight, but now I need to learn how to stay there. 

I've had a couple of random people comment and say things like, "Wow! Now, you can relax and treat yourself!" But that is far from what I need to do. Now is not the time to "relax." That was how I got to where I was before (well, that and a couple of pregnancies). Have I indulged a little more now? Yes. Have I reduced my exercise? Yes (though that's mostly due to my injury). But I need to be careful. It's a slippery slope and if I'm not careful, I'll be right back where I started. That's why seeing everyone challenging themselves while I'm not able to is so frustrating! I NEED my knee to be 100%. I need to be able to throw my shoes on and tackle 10 km, or a killer hill, or some awesome trails. Not being able to is making me crazy! I just have to keep telling myself "soon, soon" and until then, do what I can do and cheer on those around me who are doing awesomely. Hurry up knee, get better.