meditations of a blueberry

I have two amazing and beautiful little boys. I have a husband who is supportive and loves me for who I am. I have family who loves me even though they know my worst traits. I have friends who stick by me and hold me up when I need it, even when I don't deserve it. By all measures, I should be the happiest girl in the world. But I'm not. And I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I am so utterly happy. Moments that the fog lifts and my world feels perfect. But they don't last. Soon enough, the fog returns, clouds darken my skies, and the moment ends. I find myself saying and doing things without thinking more often. My patience has grown so thin that the slightest transgression from my toddler has me losing it. I snap at my husband and friends for no reason. I feel so alone. And I hate it. If I'm being honest, I have been feeling this way for months. I've tried to bring it up with friends, but didn't want to face what they might...

Have you ever done or said something without thinking about how it would affect others? I have. Lots. Sometimes, more often than I like to admit, I say or do things and don't think any farther than how they will affect myself. Does this make me self-absorbed? Maybe. I'd like to think it makes me human, but I know not everyone has the same problem. You would think by now in my life I would learn to stop and think first. But it keeps happening. Perhaps that's a clue for me to reassess my own self. I made a mistake. And the first step to fixing a mistake is to own up to it. The second step is apologizing: I'm sorry. And the third step is to try to make sure it doesn't happen again. So here I am. Owning up to my mistake and apologizing. Those that know of the mistake know of the mistake. I won't rehash for all to see. But I did want to apologize here since here was where the mistake happened. I'd like to blame it on being an Aries or on any other number of thing...

Since my journey to the half marathon ended and injuring my kne e, I've been going to hot yoga. I love the silence and the time to just be. It has been a fantastic way to refresh my spirit and focus on "me" without any distractions. I have more energy, and I feel more at peace with myself every day. My patience has increased, my heart feels open, and my mind is slowly learning how to "slow down." Simply put, I love it. Today's class was a bit hard and had me feeling dizzy a couple of times between postures. At the end, while we were laying in savasana the instructor read us the below quote: As he spoke it, I felt he was speaking directly to me. Even though I was surrounded by 25 other people, it felt like his words were meant for my heart alone. The last month has been an emotion filled roller coaster. The ups and downs have been fast and furious with the fundraising, half marathon, reaching my weight loss goal, and hurting my knee. There h...

The TNT Prairies team bright and early before the race! What a journey . My body is tired, achy, and sore...and I am so incredibly proud of it. Sunday was the BMO Vancouver Half Marathon and I rocked it. I ran 21.1 km through the intense pain of an injured knee. I finished with a time that I never imagined was possible, especially with an injury. I ran for 2 hours and 26 minutes, barely taking any walk breaks since every time I walked, the pain in my knee tripled when I started running again. I fought back tears throughout the entire race, not only from the pain, but because I was in such shock that I was actually running along with 15,000 other people. I may be stubborn, but I've never seen something like this through to the end. So the fact that I actually did is amazing to me. I don't know how many times I felt the emotions start to overtake me, especially near the end. Near the start of the race It felt like it took forever for the race to start after the gun wen...