meditations of a blueberry

Just missing two of our team! So proud of everyone. I have hit the wall. It's been four months of running and fundraising. Four months of being perpetually busy. Four months of neglecting my own spiritual needs in order to meet my goals. And, finally, the wall has emerged and I ran face first into it. And, it hurts. My relationships are floundering, my mental stability is not so stable, and my parenting is not as gentle nor as patient as I would like it to be. I am frustrated, to say the least. I love what my body has shown me these past months. I love how much I have raised. But there are ten of us mamas raising money. Ten of us mamas who are putting our hearts and souls into this venture. Amidst the fundraising, we're all on our own weight loss and fitness journeys which is always an emotionally fueled journey. What happens when you put that many women into the same room? Eventually, problems arise. And so, here we are. Trying to be adults about the situation...

In one month, I will be 30 . I remember when my mom turned 30. I thought 30 was SO old. All throughout high school, I still thought 30 was so old. In my early twenties, 30 still felt like it was ages away and so old. And now, here I am staring down the last days of my twenties. And I don't feel so old . Sure, there are signs of aging on this body. Signs that I spent a little too much time in the sun some years without wearing the requisite sunscreen or hat. Signs that I was less than careful with sharp objects. Signs that I am clumsy. Signs that I have made bad decisions over the years. But there are also some amazing signs. Signs that it has carried and birthed children . Signs that it has nourished and been a soft place to land for those children. Signs that it is resilient as it once again shows me its strength during training runs. Signs that I may be 30, but I am not old . And that became even more clear to me this past weekend. This past weekend, I made the trek to BC wit...

Everything looks better in the morning. Yesterday was a very busy day preceded by a very hard night for both kids. I woke up feeling like the world was against me and that I needed to fight and claw my way through the day. I managed to shake that feeling for most of the day, but miscommunication kept arising in my life resulting in incredible frustration. Training last night consisted of running Emily Murphy Hill ten times, and I took out my frustrations on the hill, running 10 km of hills in almost the time it took me to run 10 km on flat! Finally, my day ended with a heartfelt phone call and conversation that left me feeling guilty for being who I am. A little sleep and a shower later, and I feel better. The fog has lifted off of my mind and I can once again see. Amazing what sleep does for us, isn't it? No wonder so many moms and dads have a tendency to be short with their kids (I know I do when sleep is evading me). Ever wish that you were not a certain way ? I don't m...