The Last Weeks: Staring Down a Change

33 weeks pregnant. Taken by the lovely Snow Pea Portraits.
How in the world have I been pregnant for 36 weeks already? It literally seems like yesterday that I peed on that stick, hoping against hope that that was the month that we finally did something right. And now, here I am staring labour and delivery almost right in the face. More importantly, I am staring down this next change in our lives! We have our home visit with our midwife today, and in two-six weeks, I will be holding my precious little boy. I will be introducing E to his little brother and helping him adjust to not being the "baby" anymore. I just can't believe how quickly time has gone by.

Being 36 weeks pregnant, I have officially hit the wall. I am huge. Seriously huge. Yesterday, the specialist we went to see for E (jokingly) asked me if I was only hours away from giving birth. This little guy is just RIGHT out in front and it's doing a number to my body. I am achy all the time. My hips literally feel like they are just going to fall apart. I have trouble getting up and down. When I do manage to get up, I have intense pressure on my bladder and pubic bone. I can't get comfortable no matter how I sit or lay down. By E's nap at 1 pm, I am exhausted and just can't fathom doing anything else but lay on the couch and watch a movie (in that regard, I have now watched all of the Star Wars and am almost finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy--my next set of movies will be the Back to the Future trilogy!). I feel so utterly lazy when I am sitting on the couch and look around my house to the mess that it is and, yet, just can't get any energy to get up and clean it. Being this pregnant with a toddler is completely different than being pregnant with no kids!

There is so many things we still need (or want) to do before this baby comes too. We still haven't found a good name or even one that we can agree on--oh the curses of both of us being teachers! We have a couple of things still to pick up from our "home birth list." I need to organize the computer room and all of my momstown stuff so it's not all over the place. I haven't made a SINGLE freezer meal yet (last time I had so many prepared in the freezer already). I still have some shopping to do to stock up my pantry so it's ready. I still haven't found shelves for E and the new baby's room like I had wanted. And I had wanted to finish a few things for E (his one year scrapbook and some other things). I know most of these aren't "needed" things to do, but they just sit in my head as what I could be doing instead of watching all of these movies! Above all, I don't think I have really thought about what it is going to be like having two kids. I haven't prepared myself. I have been working so hard to prepare myself for labour that I haven't really thought about what comes afterwards! What is that going to be like? What is this next change going to bring us? Will it be a smooth transition, or will it more likely be full of bumps and twists and turns? How will I be as a mom to two? Will my patience return from wherever it has been hiding for the last 30-odd weeks? Will encapsulating my placenta help with the inevitable tiredness and moodiness that comes with having a new baby? Can we afford it with me not getting maternity leave this time? Will this new baby and I figure out breastfeeding easily, or will we have trouble? There are so many questions that I haven't thought about and have no way to answer but to wait and see what the future brings us. Until that future comes though, I am going to enjoy every moment I can with E. We will snuggle, read books, and just hang out together. Soon, he will no longer be my "baby" and I will have to figure out how on earth I can love another child as much as I love him. How does your heart expand for the next child? I know it must or else people would only ever have one child and never more, but I just don't know how that happens!

Comments

team JOB said…
I didn't know you were blogging. this is a lovely post. I've decided that I will encapsulate my placenta next time. I didn't really have any baby blues the first time, but I've had two miscarriages since then and I figure when I finally do stay pregnant the birth may be at time when all those lost emotions come back (also it will likely be winter and winter here is grey and yucky!). SO let me know how you like them. Wishing you a wonderful homebirth (did you read Ina May's books?). It will change you life!
May 17, 2012 at 10:36 PM
mmeblueberry said…
Thanks! I also didn't really have baby blues the first time, but I figured that with two littles, I should be prepared. And there are so many other benefits that I just can't not do it. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I miscarried before having E, and it sucks. But, just so you know, I didn't have any problems with emotions coming back at the birth. Hopefully, it happens for you when you are ready and that you don't either :) Oh, and yes, I have read some of Ina May...and watched Business of being born, and some of the More Business of Being Born...and many other fabulous books. I feel so much more informed about birth this time than last!
May 18, 2012 at 9:21 PM
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