Are You Mom Enough?

If you are in the mommy world at all, then you have likely seen the new cover of Time magazine. Heck, even if you aren't, I am sure you have seen it. News stations and talk shows seem to be all a flutter about it. In the odd chance that you haven't, check it out here. My sister posted that link to my Facebook wall yesterday morning. At first, I was floored and excited that such a mainstream and popular magazine was portraying extended breastfeeding...and on the cover no less! But then I looked closer. And I was disappointed. Not only does the photo itself seem to have been chosen solely for shock value (really, even the "drive by" nursing moments are not like this), but the caption made my heart sink. In the link I gave you, there are so many other, better photos that they could have chosen that truly show what extended breastfeeding looks like. I can only imagine how the photo they did choose for the cover is going to "add fuel to the fire" to those who are against breastfeeding (especially extended). Unfortunately, that is not what disappointed me the most. The caption and title that they chose to pair with this photo is not what moms need to read. "Are you mom enough?" in big bold letters next to a breastfeeding picture does not help to bring moms together. It only helps to further divide moms and make those who were unable (or didn't want to) breastfeed feel alienated yet again. As if a mom who tried her hardest to breastfeed needs to start thinking she wasn't "mom enough" because she was unable to! And then, to say that attachment parenting drives parents to extremes? Attachment parenting is not "extreme" in my mind, nor is it this newfangled approach to parenting.

I admit that I may be biased. I am still breastfeeding E at almost 23 months (while being 35 weeks pregnant!). I hope to be able to tandem nurse him. I also believe in a lot of the attachment parenting philosophy. And no, it's not that I did research on parenting styles and chose this one. I just "fell" into it. It's what came naturally. I personally see it as an extension of my teaching style (guess my degrees haven't "gone to waste"). I have read things now about attachment parenting. I just finished reading Mayim Bialik's book Beyond the Sling and thought it was fantastic. I personally can't imagine parenting any different.

But here's the thing. I know it's not for everyone. And THAT IS OKAY. I have (against my better judgement) read the comments on some articles about this cover and issue of Time and I wanted to bash my head against the wall. Some people are so unbelievably ignorant and insulting. I read comments that said that breastfeeding a toddler was akin to incest, that it was sexual and gross, that they would never be independent (side note: why does a 2 or 3 year old need to be independent? They are still babies! They need their parents!). I don't understand why people need to be so insulting of other people's choices. Just because something doesn't work for you, or you wouldn't choose it for your life, doesn't mean that it is wrong! If it doesn't work for you, fine. Don't do it! But you don't need to go insulting and insinuating terrible things because it works for someone else. Am I harming my child by responding to his needs promptly, even at night? By snuggling him when he's crying? By giving him the best (and biologically normal) possible nutrition by nursing him? I don't think so. While I may not agree, I would never judge another mom (or dad) for choosing different than I do. I might wonder why, I might offer the reasons I choose to do things the way I do if we are talking about it, but I would never tell them they are wrong for choosing differently. All I ask for is the same respect.

Whether inadvertently or not, Time has only made the (stupid) mommy wars front and center. If their goal was to get people talking about Time, well they succeeded I suppose. It sure doesn't seem to support moms in their journeys. When will moms support each other? When will we see past the differences and just see each other as humans with feelings? We shouldn't be fighting each other because we choose to parent differently. We should be supporting each other. No matter how you choose to parent, you need to be supported. Parenting is a hard journey at times, and doing it alone is not necessary. Headlines like Time's "Are You Mom Enough" are only going to push more moms down that dark hole of depression and loneliness. You know what I think makes you "Mom Enough"? Supporting other moms. Being there when another mom needs to be lifted up. In whatever shape or form that mom needs. So, think about that and ask yourself. Are you mom enough?