Hurry Up and Slow Down

Waiting. I hate waiting. I already wrote about how I hate waiting when my sister was pregnant, but I am reminded yet again of how much I really do hate waiting. The waiting this time though is different. I am impatiently waiting, yet almost wishing for time to slow down so that I can get those last minute snuggles with just E before this baby comes. It's an odd feeling to want time to hurry up and slow down at the same time. Even though it seems like an eternity until my guess date, I know that when this little boy finally makes his arrival it will feel like time sped up for these last few weeks.

It doesn't help that I am completely and utterly uncomfortable. Every single pregnancy discomfort seems to have graced my body in the last weeks. Just last night good old pregnancy insomnia decided to pay me a visit. I could go on about how sore and exhausted my body is for ages (and have to my friends--SORRY), but I won't. Soon, this baby will be joining us in the world, and I will not get to keep him for myself the way I do now. For almost 37 weeks, he has been my secret joy that I don't have to share with anyone else. Sure, others have been able to feel his movements as he became stronger, but that is not the same. I am the only one who has experienced how the little flutters have become big, rolling movements, how sometimes he's still until E comes along and gives my belly a hug, or how he will react to mrblueberry's voice when he's talking to my belly. Nobody else has. As excited as I am to meet this little boy and look into his eyes, I know that I will miss being able to keep him all to myself. So, for these last weeks, I want to focus on the good parts of pregnancy. Anyone who knows anything about pregnancy knows what will not be missed. But, what will I miss?

• The reassuring kicks that remind me that no, I did not just get really fat in one place. There really is a baby growing!
• The rolling from side-to-side movements that make it look (and feel) like I should be on Alien.
• When E is nursing and he moves closer to the side where E is. It feels like he is snuggling with him.
• The little smiles that people give you when they see you are pregnant.
• Knowing that my body is experiencing a miracle.
• Hiccups. It's so funny when he gets hiccups and my belly jumps around.
• The special looks that mrblueberry gives me when he sees my belly.
• Being able to eat whatever I want (except for the non-pregnant friendly foods), whenever I want without feeling like I am being judged for it.
• Knowing that while he is still inside my uterus, I don't have to worry about a lot of things. There are no feedings, no changing of diapers, no worrying that someone who holds him might be sick, and no trying to get him to sleep.

But, in the end, while I will miss all of that, I won't be sad. Because, when it is all said and done, when I push that little boy out into this world I will have him in my arms, and I will be in love. And there is nothing greater than love.