Pregnancy and Breastfeeding: Agitation
Breastfeeding in pregnancy sucks (no pun intended), especially this late in pregnancy. I have been breastfeeding for 22 months, and I have been pregnant for almost 34 weeks of that. As is expected this late in pregnancy, I don't have any milk left. It is fully colostrum and there isn't much of that there. And yet, E still wants to nurse at least two times a day. I have been just taking each day as it comes and going with the flow, but the other day I think I may have hit a road block. While nursing E for his nap, he started doing that awful fluttery suck as he was falling asleep. Normally, I can block out the annoyance this suck brings until he is asleep. Not that day. That day I felt my body rebelling against nursing him. I started to cry because I wanted him off so badly. I felt my body pulling away from him unconsciously. I wanted to push him off of my lap. I became nauseous and almost actually threw up. It was terrible. The same thing almost happened at bedtime, but I told him "milk's all done" when I realized that I was starting to feel that way. The next day, both nursing sessions were fine. But, again today, I felt my body reacting the same way as the other day.
I am torn. I don't know what to do. There are many reasons to continue nursing E, even if he isn't getting any milk right now. Breastfeeding isn't only about the nutrition! I want to keep nursing E if that is what he wants. I strongly believe in child-led weaning. But at the same time, I could really, really, really use a break. I am not enjoying nursing as I once was. Nursing used to be a comforting time where I got to focus on E and connect with him. Now, more often than not, I find myself gritting my teeth and watching the clock during a session, just waiting to be able to stop. It's not fun. I often wonder if I will ever enjoy nursing again, even when the new baby comes along.
I know that agitation during nursing in pregnancy is quite normal. I also know that it might not go away once the baby is born. I might continue to be agitated by E's nursing. I am definitely worried about that. But I suppose we will cross that bridge when it comes. What do I do in the meantime though? I don't know. I will probably continue to take each day as it comes. I have been setting boundaries with E and nursing. If I have to end a nursing session before E is ready, I will. It feels like a little bit of a cop-out, like I am taking the "easy way out" since I don't want to deal with weaning. Maybe it is. But during those sessions where my body rebels and just wants E off of me, it definitely isn't the easy way. Many times, I have wished that E would wean. At the same time, though, I would really like the opportunity to tandem nurse. So, I will remind myself that each day is a new day, and each nursing session is a new session. And before I know it, the new baby will be here. What will our nursing relationship look like at that time? I don't know; only time will tell.
If you have any questions about tandem nursing, or nursing in pregnancy, check out kellymom.com!
I am torn. I don't know what to do. There are many reasons to continue nursing E, even if he isn't getting any milk right now. Breastfeeding isn't only about the nutrition! I want to keep nursing E if that is what he wants. I strongly believe in child-led weaning. But at the same time, I could really, really, really use a break. I am not enjoying nursing as I once was. Nursing used to be a comforting time where I got to focus on E and connect with him. Now, more often than not, I find myself gritting my teeth and watching the clock during a session, just waiting to be able to stop. It's not fun. I often wonder if I will ever enjoy nursing again, even when the new baby comes along.
I know that agitation during nursing in pregnancy is quite normal. I also know that it might not go away once the baby is born. I might continue to be agitated by E's nursing. I am definitely worried about that. But I suppose we will cross that bridge when it comes. What do I do in the meantime though? I don't know. I will probably continue to take each day as it comes. I have been setting boundaries with E and nursing. If I have to end a nursing session before E is ready, I will. It feels like a little bit of a cop-out, like I am taking the "easy way out" since I don't want to deal with weaning. Maybe it is. But during those sessions where my body rebels and just wants E off of me, it definitely isn't the easy way. Many times, I have wished that E would wean. At the same time, though, I would really like the opportunity to tandem nurse. So, I will remind myself that each day is a new day, and each nursing session is a new session. And before I know it, the new baby will be here. What will our nursing relationship look like at that time? I don't know; only time will tell.
If you have any questions about tandem nursing, or nursing in pregnancy, check out kellymom.com!
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