meditations of a blueberry

Breastfeeding in pregnancy sucks (no pun intended), especially this late in pregnancy. I have been breastfeeding for 22 months, and I have been pregnant for almost 34 weeks of that. As is expected this late in pregnancy , I don't have any milk left. It is fully colostrum and there isn't much of that there. And yet, E still wants to nurse at least two times a day. I have been just taking each day as it comes and going with the flow, but the other day I think I may have hit a road block. While nursing E for his nap, he started doing that awful fluttery suck as he was falling asleep. Normally, I can block out the annoyance this suck brings until he is asleep. Not that day. That day I felt my body rebelling against nursing him. I started to cry because I wanted him off so badly. I felt my body pulling away from him unconsciously. I wanted to push him off of my lap. I became nauseous and almost actually threw up. It was terrible. The same thing almost happened at bedtime, but I told...

From https://www.facebook.com/TheLeakyBoob Yesterday, I got to witness a beautiful miracle. Jessica from The Leaky B@@b gave birth to her sixth daughter and live streamed her labour and delivery. I kept checking all day to see how she was doing, and finally, just as I was thinking about heading to bed, she birthed that little girl. I was amazed at how strong and calm she was throughout her labour. With E, I was not calm. I screamed and fought the pain that his posterior position brought until I finally gave in and got the epidural. And her support team was fantastic. I refused to allow mrblueberry to touch me. Yet Jessica and her husband were the picture of love. His support of her was mesmerizing. Watching them together as she laboured was like watching a couple dance effortlessly across a dance floor. The love radiated from the screen. Many times I teared up watching when he knew just what she needed to continue on. It was beautiful. And if that wasn't enough to make this ...

As I sit here looking out the window at all the fresh snow in the middle of April (yet again), I am struck by the realization that time truly does not sit still. I feel like time has behaved as a willful toddler the past few months, racing ahead with no regard for those around or for what it leaves in its path. In such a short time, our family of three will be a family of four. In only eight weeks, give or take, I will have another little boy to love and cherish. How does time get away from us? It seems like only yesterday that I was announcing to everyone that I was expecting another child, and now that child is almost here. The third trimester has taken my body and is trying to overtake me. Heartburn is almost constant. I have multiple aches and pains from the weight of my (huge) belly and from my ligaments and joints preparing for the birth. My back constantly hurts and I have started to deal with pubic bone pain in the last few days due to the little man starting to drop down. Sl...