The Precipice

Eyes closed, I look up to the sky, breathing in the last wisps of summer while I taste the promise of Fall on the tip of my tongue.

I feel the last warmth of the sun's rays rest on my face as summer promises to return again.

The breeze gently caresses my cheek as it continues on past, swirling the falling golden leaves at my feet.

My babies' laughter and screams waft into my ears like a melodious symphony from a master musician and I smile as I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

I stand at the precipice of the next phase of my life.

Goodbye birth. Goodbye babies.

What has so far defined me for the last 7 years is changing. And with that, comes the realization that I too must change.

And yet.

And yet, I feel stagnant. Unable to push forward. Frozen in fear at taking the next step. The first step. Uncertainty abounds.

And thanks to an unwelcome resident in my brain, I am unsure if this fear and uncertainty is due to its grip on me or not.

But no.

I refuse to let those cold fingers dig into me and hold me back. I refuse to listen to that little, grating voice that continues to tell me I'm not good enough. I refuse to allow those whispers make my decisions for me.

I am stepping into the light. I am opening my eyes to see what gifts that Fall will bring me. And I am reaching out to accept whatever gifts they may be. I've taken the first step. I'm opening my heart and my mind. I'm allowing whatever awaits for me to find me. Whatever that may be. Fall is the promise of change and of letting go. Of finding the beauty in shedding the old. Fall gives us the opportunity to sit and reflect on the beauty of what has happened.

So this Fall, I will stand as the leaves swirl around me. I will breathe in the crisp air as the gentle breeze caresses my cheek. I will relish in the sounds of laughter and crunching leaves as I taste a hot coffee on my tongue. And I will do so with an open heart, allowing my soul to shed the old me to make room for whoever is waiting in my future. I may not know her now, but I know she is beautiful and wondrous and worthy.