The Light Always Returns

Walking my eldest to the bus in the dark the last few months has given me time to reflect and breathe. After years of not needing to be up early thanks to being a work at home mom with young kids, I am actually enjoying the quiet as we step out into the dark mornings when the sun is still sleeping. Sometimes, we see the moon shining brightly and sometimes the cloud cover is thick. Sometimes the cold air takes our breath right out of our lungs and sometimes the snow swirls around us covering our tracks on the path. Sometimes we are dressed and ready for the day and sometimes our winter clothes hide our pajamas and bed head. Sometimes I have finished a full coffee and eaten breakfast and sometimes my coffee remains at home on the counter promising to be cold when I return. After the bus pulls away with E and the two littles and I walk home, we watch the sun rise, often in a glorious display of colours. Purples and reds and pinks dancing brilliantly in the distance, giving us a glimpse of perfection and true beauty that never lasts for very long. The setting and rising of the sun always reminds me of life. Even though we go through dark times that sometimes seem to last forever, we always rise again, often gloriously. No matter what life throws our way, no matter what obstacles we face, we always rise again. 

Soon, the mornings will not be dark when we make this daily two block trek. Soon, the sun will awake earlier and light our way to the bus rather than the street lights. Soon, we may not see the dance as the sun rises each morning. The winter solstice is coming up. One of my favourite times of year. A time for introspection. A time to reflect and take the time to let go of the past year. A time that reminds us that even though it may get dark, light always returns and there is always hope. This past year has been anything but gentle, for many people. Frankly, this year was an asshole. At least for me. A rollercoaster of emotions. A rollercoaster that mostly consisted of massive lows. From work to losing loved ones to moving, there was a lot of surprising loss. Thankfully, there were a few highs interspersed throughout--getting pregnant, selling our condo, buying a larger house, finding out this baby is (supposedly) a girl (I'll believe that when I don't see boy parts when she's born). The lows seemed to take over though. Some lows were understandably crushing--losing the job you love and loved ones passing on is devastating. Especially when all were mostly unexpected. But the emotions about moving have taken me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to feel isolated and alone since we didn't really move that far. But the solstice is the time to let that all go, breathe, and prepare for the next year. Even on the darkest nights, the sun rises again in the morning. And as the nights get longer and darker, they always eventually get shorter again. And that's what the solstice reminds us.

So yes. This year may have been an asshole for many, many people. But we will rise again. No matter how dark the night has gotten, light returns. Always. And I'm betting it will be glorious.