11 Things I Can Add to My Resume Thanks to Parenting

Career Preparation 101 at the University of Parenting has taught me many essential skills, habits, and attitudes. It has helped me to develop my interpersonal/intrapersonal skills as well as much needed communication skills. Many of the course projects have taught me skills that I would learn and develop in several different jobs. I have three professors who really like to keep me on my toes. There are only two students in this class, and we regularly get thrown pop quizzes and mountains of homework (laundry). After 5 years of being immersed in this course, I believe I should now be able to add the following to my resume:

1. Circus Performer: Between sidestepping to avoid Lego and Mr. Potato Head pieces and doing endless rounds of Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes to keep my kids happy (often while wearing a baby on my back), I am almost constantly entertaining someone. I even have good experience with jumping through hoops in order to avoid toddler meltdowns. 
2. Singer/Songwriter: I have made up and sang many songs in my late night attempts to put my children to sleep. They're awful, but they can't really be worse than that Gangnam Style song and it has a billion views or something on YouTube! 
3. Personal Chef: Nobody really prepared me for the fact that my kids would eat all the time. I have no idea how they eat constantly and are always hungry. I feel like I am always preparing a snack or meal for them, and when I'm not, I'm nursing the baby! 
4. Chauffeur: I have become very good at driving while distracted. I know, I know. Distracted driving is incredibly dangerous (it really is) and I do my best to make my kids happy before we leave anywhere. Sometimes, though, there's nothing you can do. And listening to a baby scream and a toddler complaining that he dropped his water bottle while you're driving in downtown traffic does not make for the most calm drive. I have learned how to remain calm in these stressful situations.
5. Nurse: Be it a fever or a cut finger, I am the one who looks after my children when they are sick or hurt. I am also the one who decides when something can be treated at home or when it is serious enough to see a doctor. 
6. Teacher: While I am already a teacher, teaching a child how to use the toilet has been way more difficult than teaching children how to read. I really think this should give me an extra boost for when I return to the classroom. 
7. Psychic: I am constantly having to guess what is wrong with my children and predict how they might react in different situations. And these reactions are different depending upon the day (or minute), when they last ate, how they slept, whether they're in a growth spurt, or when they last pooped. I'm starting to get pretty good at telling the future. 
8. Translator: I have spent many, many hours learning my children's languages as they begin to talk. Words are not always clear when they are talking with others, so it's up to me to clue them in that they meant Lego and not Play D'Oh!
9. Ballet Dancer: I've developed an almost graceful dance to lay my babies down after they've fallen asleep in my arms. Not to mention, the dance that a person must do in order to successfully transfer a sleeping baby from a convertible car seat to his bed! It should definitely qualify as ballet.
10. Magician: From slight of hand to being outright misleading, I have honed my skills of deception. A special text from the dentist reminding the boys to brush their teeth and hiding the two year old's coveted jerseys so he doesn't want to wear them for a third day in the row are just two examples of ways I've been less than truthful with my kids.
11. Referee: I have three boys. And even though there is a 2 year age gap between the older two, there is only a 5 pound difference.   I am constantly having to referee wrestling matches between the older two (the youngest is still a baby, but I'm sure he'll follow in his big brothers' footsteps soon enough). They wrestle everywhere with no regard for what's around them. I would also like to take this opportunity to blame my husband for teaching them how to "drop the mitts."