meditations of a blueberry

http://www.runfergus.com/2011/11/dressing-for-winter-running.html My journey has started. I have officially been training for my half-marathon for one week. I plan to blog every week or two about my journey. I'm anticipating it being an emotional, and a physical journey. I can not run well, but I will be a runner. Last Saturday, we had our training kick-off. We got to meet our trainers, mentors, and other team mates. We got our training schedule, and I must admit that I may have had a mini heart attack when I read it. Yikes. I'm not sure if I have ever exercised as much as I will be in the next few months--not even in high school during basketball or track season.  I must admit that I am a little scared. My body is not the shape nor size of a runner's body. But I can do this. I WILL do this. I'm determined. For my boys, and for myself.  After meeting everyone, we went for a group run. It was only 30 minutes, but it was hard. I was slow. I felt so completely out ...

http://theydonttellyou.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/there-are-only-two-days-in-every-week/ There is a secret about motherhood that nobody really talks about. Sure, moms will talk about it with each other. You'll hear them whispering about it in the corners of Starbucks when they manage to get out for a coffee date without any kids. You'll hear them talking a little more loudly about it as kids run around their legs at the local playground. You'll see new moms on message boards wondering if they are alone in dealing with it. You may even see hints of it when you look into their eyes. It's a dark secret that a new mom will try to deny for months and months. It's a secret that will make her cry, yell, and feel awful. It's a secret that will make her wonder if something is wrong with her, or if it's her kids. It's a secret that shouldn't be kept. Moms-to-be should know this secret. They should be prepared so that when it happens, they aren't hit with...

Every day is a new day. When I was teaching Grade 4, I used to tell students this when they had a hard day. At the end of the day, I would remind them, "Tomorrow will be better. Every day is a new day." And, inevitably, it was. Sometimes, I wish I had someone to pull me aside and remind me of this. This parenting journey can just be SO HARD some days. Some days, as I'm doing the bouncy "please be quiet before mama goes insane" walk down the hallway, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I am afraid. Who is that wide-eyed, crazy haired woman? When did those dark circles get so dark? When did that body get so saggy? And this is the time that I start to wonder about my life choices. Why did I ever think I could do this "mom thing" anyway? This is the time when I need someone to remind me that every day is a new day. That tomorrow, I will wake up and my kids will smile, or reach for my face, or give me a big hug and the craziness of the day before ...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poppy The snow is softly falling outside my window, adding to the snow already blanketing my deck. A is asleep in his bassinet. Mrblueberry just went into E's room to comfort him, and I know that if I were to open the door and look in, I would see them snuggled up in his bed. My house is quiet except for the "Acoustic Bedtime" song list on Songza. It's late, and I should really be in bed. But I just can't tear myself away from the rare tranquil moment. I find myself lost in thought. Earlier tonight, I was looking at pictures of my boys while Mrblueberry was putting E to bed. As I heard him reading a "digger" book to E, I couldn't help but think about how lucky we are. We have so many freedoms and opportunities that just don't exist in other places. I am so grateful that those men and women laid down their lives. I am so grateful for those families who paid (and continue to pay) the ultimate sacrifice for my family...

Do you ever feel like you're faking it? No, not IT, get your mind out of the gutter! I mean in general! Life. Do you ever feel like you're faking life? That one day everyone around you is going to wake up and realize who the real you is? That they won't like that real you? That everyone around you will realize that you have no clue what you are doing? I feel like this so often. There have been so many times when I have been with friends and wondered if they truly liked me, if they are just keeping me around to laugh at me when I am not there. It's the worst form of anxiety and self-doubt. And as soon as I have these thoughts, I usually dismiss them because I know that it just isn't true. But it doesn't stop them from coming back. Truthfully, I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate driving somewhere to meet up with friends, and having that brief feeling that they only invited me to "be nice." I am pretty sure that this all comes from high school and ...