Holding on to Babyhood
As I sit here in the morning sun, I'm overtaken by how quickly life truly moves. It feels like it was just yesterday that we celebrated seeing seeing E on the ultrasound screen, and yet that was 7 years ago this week. 7 years later and I'm sitting holding my fourth baby, and first daughter, tightly as she naps in my arms. This morning, we walked my first child to the bus for grade 1, and he will walk home from the bus alone this afternoon. That same child stayed up late last night to finish reading the Harry Potter book we had been reading together, and he cried at the ending. Last week I registered my second child for kindergarten. That second child and my third child are currently building Lego together, getting along for the time being. And I sit in the morning light, rocking a sweet sleeping baby girl, listening to those 2 middle boys talking and laughing, in amazement at what my body has created and nourished.
Miss A turns 1 in 5 weeks. It's hard to believe that last year at this time she was still growing in my belly. And now, my last baby is almost 1. The times for snuggling my sleeping baby are almost over. I'm holding tight to the last baby days because I know one day I will wake up and look at her and she will have magically transformed into a toddler. It's bittersweet. I look forward to seeing her grow and moving past the baby stage once and for all. We've been in it perpetually for almost 7 years! But oh, how I will miss holding a squishy baby against my body. Knowing that she depends fully on me to look after her. Feeling her warm body melt into mine. I am ever so aware that each of her firsts are also my lasts. No more first smiles, no more first laughs. I will have to rely on pictures and videos and my memory. She took her first steps the other day and I simultaneously cheered and cried. Toddlerhood is ever so much closer. I'm holding on tightly, but I feel this season of babies slowly slipping out of my hands.
Soon, we will not be ruled by naps and diapers. Soon, we will be able to enjoy doing big kid things without having to worry about what to do with the baby. Soon, we will wake up and realize that we both slept through the night as did the kids. Soon, they will all be making their own lunches. Soon, our lives will be ruled by parent teacher conferences and extracurricular activities. Soon, I will wave as my kids go off to the bus and I go off to work. It's coming sooner than I realize, I know. Until then, I will sit, smell, stare at, and snuggle this squishy, sleeping baby in the golden morning sun. My house is a mess, but the laundry, dishes, and unswept floor can wait because, for now, I'm holding on to babyhood.
Miss A turns 1 in 5 weeks. It's hard to believe that last year at this time she was still growing in my belly. And now, my last baby is almost 1. The times for snuggling my sleeping baby are almost over. I'm holding tight to the last baby days because I know one day I will wake up and look at her and she will have magically transformed into a toddler. It's bittersweet. I look forward to seeing her grow and moving past the baby stage once and for all. We've been in it perpetually for almost 7 years! But oh, how I will miss holding a squishy baby against my body. Knowing that she depends fully on me to look after her. Feeling her warm body melt into mine. I am ever so aware that each of her firsts are also my lasts. No more first smiles, no more first laughs. I will have to rely on pictures and videos and my memory. She took her first steps the other day and I simultaneously cheered and cried. Toddlerhood is ever so much closer. I'm holding on tightly, but I feel this season of babies slowly slipping out of my hands.
Soon, we will not be ruled by naps and diapers. Soon, we will be able to enjoy doing big kid things without having to worry about what to do with the baby. Soon, we will wake up and realize that we both slept through the night as did the kids. Soon, they will all be making their own lunches. Soon, our lives will be ruled by parent teacher conferences and extracurricular activities. Soon, I will wave as my kids go off to the bus and I go off to work. It's coming sooner than I realize, I know. Until then, I will sit, smell, stare at, and snuggle this squishy, sleeping baby in the golden morning sun. My house is a mess, but the laundry, dishes, and unswept floor can wait because, for now, I'm holding on to babyhood.
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