Motherhood is a Marathon

A couple of years ago, I trained for a half marathon. I committed to running in rain and snow and wind. I ran over icy roads and through freezing winds. I ran through slushy puddles and an April blizzard. I lost many toenails and ended up with a very hurt knee. It was not easy. I was not a runner before, but I sure felt like one after. It was not easy, but when my feet hit the pavement in Vancouver, it was sure worth it. As I ran up the hills and felt my body's strength, it was worth it. As I ran beside the sea line and breathed in the salted air, it was worth it. As I saw that finish line looming in the distance and gave my body that final push towards it, it was worth it. When I finally crossed that finish line and collapsed on the side of the road with such a feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion, it was worth it. But for all my training, I wasn't ready for the emotional and mental side of being in a race with hundreds of other people. I just couldn't train for the mental obstacles.

Motherhood is a marathon that you can't really train for. Sure, you may think you can. You can take parenting and child development classes. You can babysit your nephews or your friends' children. You can volunteer in schools or daycares. You can read books and blogs. You can even help raise your younger siblings. But no matter what you do, when it comes down to it, you will not truly be "ready" for the endless obstacles that you don't even realize exist. Like when your kids lose it in the grocery store but you still need to get the groceries because your fridge is empty, or when you're just so exhausted that you feed them cereal for dinner for the third time that week. When you get up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth billionth time because your toddler can't sleep by himself. When you finally get the baby to sleep for a nap and then the big kids come screaming through the house. When the toddler seems to think that his car seat is a monster going to consume his soul and you must physically force him into it to go anywhere. When you're so touched out from having children hanging off you every day but at the end of the day your husband still wants your affections and you just don't know where to find the energy to do anything but stare at the tv and melt into the couch. When every moment of every day YOU are responsible for these wonderful, frustrating beings that YOU created. Motherhood is just hard.

But it's not all hard. There are moments in time that make it all worth it. Some days and weeks and months these come in the form of tiny, amazing glimpses. The first baby smiles. The first time a child says "I love you mama." The proud look in your child's eyes as they take their first steps. Sometimes it comes in the every day. Checking on some quiet kids to find them reading to each other. Watching as your older children help your younger ones get their shoes on. Playing with them on the playground. And sometimes it comes in the hard times. The quiet snuggle and breathing of an over tired toddler as he lays his cheek against your own. The kids' excitement as you pour cereal for dinner once again because you are just too tired to make something that will just end up on the floor again. The sudden hug of a boy who has had a hard day and just needs someone to wrap their arms around him. The soft sigh as the baby relaxes into your arms after another meltdown.

Motherhood is a marathon, but there isn't really a finish line. There is no end to this race, and truthfully, I wouldn't want one. Even when my kids are grown. But I suspect that at that point the marathon turns from a race to something different. Perhaps motherhood isn't really a marathon. Perhaps it's more like a hike through the mountains. With peaks and valleys, beautiful sights, dark and overgrown paths, tears and smiles. And when you finally make it up and then back down, you cheer your children on as they go on their own climb. But marathon or climb, one thing is for sure. It's not easy, but it's sure as hell worth it. There will be tears and there will be laughter. There will be moments where you don't think you can go on, where you're sure you are doing everything wrong, where you will question whether you are cut out for this motherhood thing. But one day, you'll look at your children and realize that the hard parts only made the bright parts that much brighter. But until that day, keep on keeping on, mama. And coffee. Lots of coffee.