Coming to Terms with the Postpartum Body

Miss A is almost 7 weeks old. Last week, we had our final midwife appointment. It was  bittersweet. I've come to think of my midwife as a trusted friend. For over 4 years, she's been a part of my life and has seen me through some of my most vulnerable times. At my appointment, I got the glorious news that there are no signs of uterine prolapse. Hallulujah! But all is not good. My ab diastasis has worsened to the point of possibly requiring surgery. And I developed an umbilical hernia. Of course pregnancy couldn't just leave me with stretch marks and extra weight. But  suppose that's what happens when you grow an 11 lb 6 oz baby.

Don't get me wrong. My body has done amazing things. It has grown, birthed, and nourished 4 beautiful children. It provides warm, soft hugs to those children when they are hurt and lifts them up when they fall down. It has carried those children when their legs get tired. It has stayed awake when it so desperately wanted to sleep to comfort and calm them. It has held a hurting husband, been a shoulder to cry on for countless friends, and helped others up when they have fallen. This body has done amazing things, and it will continue to them. I truly do cherish and honour this body - it is the only one I have!

But - and this is a huge but - in spite of all these amazing things, my brain sometimes does not see how wonderful this body is. More times than I care to admit, my brain succumbs to the negative messages that swirl around in our society. My brain seems to forget that just 7 weeks ago, this body was carrying an 11 pound baby INSIDE IT. I look in the mirror and the body I see is not the body I see in my mind. The body I see in the mirror is rounder and puffier and still looks pregnant. My eyes look tired and my hair is frizzy. My clothes look like I didn't even try when I got dressed.

And here's the truth. My body IS rounder. I AM tired. I rarely get to actually shower AND do my hair. And you can only try so much when your clothes don't fit properly yet. 

I'm trying to be positive. I am trying not to wallow in the negative thoughts that keep sneaking into my brain. Every negative thought I try to follow up with something positive. It's not about what I see in the mirror. Not really. This body has put its time in for me, I need to treat it like the warrior it is. It deserves a rest and it deserves to be thought of kindly. Eventually, my body will be healed. Eventually, I won't feel quite so round. Eventually, I will look in the mirror and see the person I see in my head. And, in the meantime, maybe it's time for a rocking hair cut and a few new outfits.