The Reward is Worth it in the End

This is my last pregnancy. When this baby girl finally makes her appearance, there will be a closed forever sign on this baby making factory. I just can't fathom getting through one more third trimester, let alone a whole other pregnancy. Don't get me wrong. I am in awe of how a woman's body can grow a human being from two tiny cells. The miracle of life is happening right now inside my body. How is that not amazing?? But not everything is amazing about pregnancy. Sure, some women get that glow and breeze through pregnancy like they are a graceful queen gliding through a crowd of people. Their hair is always luscious and their skin is flawless. Their energy levels never drop below nesting level and they never stare into a porcelain throne. I'm sure these women are few and far between though. I know that I am certainly not one of them. And I would wager a bet to say that most women have moments where pregnancy is just plain awful.

There are moments (long moments sometimes) where pregnancy feels like the worst thing ever. Moments that I will rejoice never having to relive. What moments will I be happy to put behind me forever?

Heartburn- I only ever have heartburn in pregnancy, and it is truly awful. I feel for anyone who endures it on a day to day basis. It's a terrible feeling to eat something only to feel like my insides are burning up.

Being off balance - It's so awkward maneuvering this giant, torpedo belly. Yesterday, I took A out when I turned around and he was standing on the stool in front of me. Then I almost burned my belly as I was trying to take something out of the oven because I misjudged how far from the door I was. Not to mention, walking on icy sidewalks in the winter is less than fun!

Rolling over - I swear every time I roll over, it's a huge production where I have to consciously think of which muscles to use and take breaks in between each step. I long for the days of the quick roll over where I just flop myself around!

Sleeping - Or rather, I should say, not sleeping. I wake up every hour simultaneously having to pee and being thirsty. It's a brutal cycle. I'd rather be up every hour snuggling a newborn than up to pee a bazillion times.

Fatigue - The stairs in our new house are doing me in. I have to rest part way up them without fail. Anything in the kitchen is done via sitting on a stool. I can't even get my kids in the car without needing a few minutes before driving away. And getting dressed also requires a break between putting on each item of clothing!

Comments - Oh the comments. I don't get too many of these truthfully (I think my resting bitch face is just too strong), but the ones I do get are just tiring.

Sciatic pain - Just yesterday I experience my first major run in with sciatic pain. I've had minor moments of it before, but last night just sitting down on the toilet was bringing me to tears. Thankfully, it's subsided a bit today, but I will be ever grateful to not feel that shooting pain again.

Yes, there are moments I will be happy to never experience again. But there are many more moments that I will miss and remember fondly. Moments that I am sure I would love to relive, like all of those baby movements. There is just something amazing about feeling a baby move. From the first butterfly tickles to the final hard kicks and punches, each one reminds me of the wonders of life. In the third trimester, movements are now huge and sweeping across my belly. I can watch as she twists and turns, as her legs stretch out, pushing my skin to the limit. I picture her practicing dance moves rather than the soccer kicks I felt with A. As painful as some of the large, sweeping movements can be, I will definitely miss them.

Mostly, I will miss the feeling of creating and growing life. The feeling that my body is performing ancient and sacred magic. Life truly is a miracle when you think about what must all go right in order for it to flourish. There are just so many amazing things about pregnancy. And the fact that I've got to keep her for the last 9 months all to myself, like a treasured secret, for nobody else but myself, is what I will miss most of all. Soon, she will be earthside. Soon, she won't be safe and warm inside my body. Soon, we will have to contend with everything that comes along with being alive in this world. But really, isn't that point? To be alive is a glorious thing, and I can't wait to show her all about that. Until then, though, I will hoard her away, safe in my body, and I will cherish each movement and moment. Because even though the heartburn, sciatica, and awkwardly huge belly are frustrating, the reward is more than worth it in the end.