meditations of a blueberry

This is my last pregnancy. When this baby girl finally makes her appearance, there will be a closed forever sign on this baby making factory. I just can't fathom getting through one more third trimester, let alone a whole other pregnancy. Don't get me wrong. I am in awe of how a woman's body can grow a human being from two tiny cells. The miracle of life is happening right now inside my body. How is that not amazing?? But not everything is amazing about pregnancy. Sure, some women get that glow and breeze through pregnancy like they are a graceful queen gliding through a crowd of people. Their hair is always luscious and their skin is flawless. Their energy levels never drop below nesting level and they never stare into a porcelain throne. I'm sure these women are few and far between though. I know that I am certainly not one of them. And I would wager a bet to say that most women have moments where pregnancy is just plain awful. There are moments (long moments som...

Sunday is a big emotional day for me and it has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. It will mark 38 weeks for this pregnancy and I'm not really sure if I want it to hurry up or slow down. This will be the last third trimester for this mama. After this baby is born, this baby making factory is closed for business.* This uterus will grow no more babies after this one is all done. Four third trimesters is most definitely my limit. But that's not the only reason it will be emotional. It is also the day, 6 years ago, that I was due with our first angel baby . 6 years . I can't even believe it's been that long. I remember approaching this day for the first time with dread as I was just starting to feel E move in my belly. And now, I approach it not with sadness and dread, but with quiet contemplation and slight apprehension. I wouldn't change how the last 6 years have gone for the world, but I often wonder who that little one was meant to be. What would my life l...