Change

Change is inevitable. In every moment of every day, change is happening. As much as you try, you cannot run from it and you cannot hide from it. Change will find you no matter what you do. 

Change is never more apparent than in the fall when orange and red engulf the trees. From fully green, the trees embrace the change and celebrate it with a gorgeous explosion of colour. Why is it so hard for us as adults to embrace change the same way?

My last five months have been full of change. All of the months of change with momstown to momstown eventually closing and losing my job. Getting pregnant and being reminded of 6 years before when I lost my very first pregnancy that was on the same time line that this one is. Deciding to sell our house and move out of the city. Loved ones moving on from this world. So much change that I cannot stop. So much stress, so many tears.

I've spent the last few months floating through space, not knowing where or who I am supposed to be. Watching life move on for those around me as I sat alone, unable to move forward or backward or even sideways. Wondering what life had planned for me, but unable to make any moves to actively find that out. Wishing that I could just reach out and grab life, but not knowing how to do that. How does one do that when one doesn't even know where they are supposed to go?

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sure. Maybe if I had any idea, even remotely, where to start that trail! Instead, I stand here paralyzed in fear that I will fail. And in doing so, I continue to float. I want to feel anchored again. I want to know where I am going, or at the very least, I want to know where I want to go.

I don't like change. Many, many people can tell you that. I like my life to stay predictable. I like any spontaneity to come from my own deliberate choices, not from things I cannot control. I don't like change, but I will grit my teeth and deal with it. But when you don't know what you are changing into, how do you go on? I suppose one just needs to look at nature. Does a caterpillar know that it will turn into a beautiful butterfly when it makes its cocoon? Does it know that it will essentially turn into soup before doing so? If it did, would it willingly build its cocoon? I don't know. What I do know is that it seems to embrace it and lovingly builds a cocoon to protect itself and enable the change to happen.

Perhaps, as humans, we can learn from the butterfly. When big change becomes inevitable, we must build our life up in a way that protects and supports us. We must surround ourselves with friends and loved ones who encourage and support, and we must not be afraid to ask for help. We must let go of those things that hold us down. We must put ourselves out there and say, "Okay Change. I'm here. Do your work." We must welcome and embrace change just as the trees do.

So, this is me embracing change. We move in a week, and that's not even remotely the end of this season of change. So Change, do your best, and I will celebrate what you bring because it's part of life. And it's a beautiful life.

PS: I'm not so good at asking for and accepting help so here's me asking you now to please force me to.