Don't Call Us Shy
I am introvert, but it is only recently that I have come to realize that. I have always known that I prefer the company of small groups to large, and that I need to make sure to take alone time to recharge, but I haven't always realized that it meant I am an introvert. All my life, people would call me "shy" or "quiet" until you got to know me. I even have had a few people think I was standoffish or a bitch because I'm not immediately approachable in most circumstances. Those comments hurt a lot when mrblueberry told me about them the first time. I don't mean to be standoffish or to seem like a snob. But, I need that time to adjust and feel comfortable in situations. I prefer to sit back and observe in all new situations or in situations with people I don't know well. I prefer to be one of the first to arrive so that I can gradually adjust. If necessary (like with teaching or momstown), I can push it away and be more "extroverted" for a time, but it comes at a high energy cost for me. For long events, I need to take "breaks" away from the crowd to replenish that energy. And that is okay. That is just who I am, and I have learned that I need to honour that.
My son E is the same in many ways. He needs to be one of the first in a situation, even in environments he is comfortable in. He does not do well if he's thrown into something new. He takes a while to warm up to new people. He does best when we are the first to arrive...even at familiar places! But he's not shy, and neither am I. When I hear the word "shy," I hear something negative. Outgoingness and friendliness in children is valued. Shyness is not. Why not? Why do I immediately feel punched in the gut when someone says, "oh he's just being shy, don't be shy!" when he hides behind me? There is nothing wrong with him and his personality, as baffling as it is to mrblueberry and others who are the complete opposite. In fact, it's slightly comforting to me to know he's not going to just talk willy nilly to any stranger who passes by him. Once he decides you are worthy, he'll warm up to you. Until then, you'll just have to realize that he's not being shy, just assessing and observing everything first. And when he does, you'll wonder how you ever thought he was anything but friendly and talkative! So do me a favour. Don't call me shy, and don't call him shy either!
My son E is the same in many ways. He needs to be one of the first in a situation, even in environments he is comfortable in. He does not do well if he's thrown into something new. He takes a while to warm up to new people. He does best when we are the first to arrive...even at familiar places! But he's not shy, and neither am I. When I hear the word "shy," I hear something negative. Outgoingness and friendliness in children is valued. Shyness is not. Why not? Why do I immediately feel punched in the gut when someone says, "oh he's just being shy, don't be shy!" when he hides behind me? There is nothing wrong with him and his personality, as baffling as it is to mrblueberry and others who are the complete opposite. In fact, it's slightly comforting to me to know he's not going to just talk willy nilly to any stranger who passes by him. Once he decides you are worthy, he'll warm up to you. Until then, you'll just have to realize that he's not being shy, just assessing and observing everything first. And when he does, you'll wonder how you ever thought he was anything but friendly and talkative! So do me a favour. Don't call me shy, and don't call him shy either!
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