meditations of a blueberry

What do they see? Who do they see? I often wonder that when I pass someone on my runs (especially my 6 am runs ).  I remember back before embarking on this journey what I would think when I saw runners outside in the snow and cold: "they're crazy!" Is that what people see when they see me? Just another crazy runner? Someone who should really learn what a treadmill is? Or do they see more? Is it possible that, underneath all these layers, they can catch a glimpse of the person I see when I look in the mirror?   I wonder if they see the mother of two young children. The mother who has made choices for her children, like home birth , that do not quite fall into the realm of "mainstream." The teacher who has chosen to stay at home for those children, even though some days she misses the classroom and all those challenges. The mother who some days wonders if she made the right choices in her life . The mother who some days wonders if she is cut out to ...

Sometimes I look back on my life, and wonder if I made the right choices. Did I follow the right path? Did I choose the right forks in the road? Should I not have gone to university? Should I have started working right away instead of spending countless dollars for two pieces of paper? Was getting married the right choice? What about having a baby? Or having the second baby? Or staying home with the children? I must admit that I am lucky that I got to make these choices. I know there are many out there that don't get to do so. Still, I often wonder when I see my friends down completely different paths than I. Paths that don't include me as much as sometimes I wish they did. Should I be on those paths with them? I can't be the only one who does this. It's not regret, so much as wondering where I would be in the alternate world that I followed those other paths. But, I'll never know. Unlike the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books I used to read as a kid, I c...

In two days, I will have been on this journey to the BMO half-marathon in Vancouver for two months. It's sure been some ride so far. I have learned so much about what my body is capable of, and I am starting to see the strength that it used to have back when I was in high school. The weight is slowly dropping, and clothes that I thought were a lost cause are starting to fit again. I know I will never see my pre-pregnancy body though. And I am okay with that . I have the marks of a mother, and I wouldn't have it any other way. The stretch marks, the saggy skin in places, the little signs that I have had a baby, the body that just isn't shaped the way it used to be. These are my battle scars. Signs that I brought life into this world not once, but twice. Signs that my body stretched to unbelievable amounts and accommodated a 10 pound baby . No amount of training will get rid of them.  I am at peace with that. Changing that part of my body is not the goal of this training a...

2012. What a year. This year has brought so many wonderful things into my life. If I thought 2011 was good , well, 2012 was even better. Both 2011 and 2012 brought some heartache for the blueberries, but the good times sure outweighed the bad times. 2012 has been jam-packed full of changes. And it flew by even faster than 2011. How is that possible? Some days, I feel like I blinked and months went by. I find myself cherishing the time with my family more than I ever have, especially after the terrible tragedy a t Sandy Hook Elementary.   At any moment, everything can be taken away so quickly (though, not due to an apocalypse in 2012 as people thought the Mayans had predicted). I don't want to regret a second. Perhaps that apocalypse is still coming! So, what happened this year? I started blogging regularly and remembered that I love to write. I re-discovered the emotional outlet that writing can be and am so happy that I have made the time to continue doing it. Not only have I m...