Parenting is Hard

Two is a hard age. I am told three is worse, but we aren't there yet so I am just going to pretend they are lying to me for now. Because I can't imagine it being any worse. E has just entered the "mine" and "no" phases, so add those phases to the regular pushing, hitting, yelling, etc phases that he is already in and you get the picture as to how my days often go. Don't get me wrong, there are some fantastic things about two. It can be so much fun at times! But, right now, the hard parts seem to outweigh the fun parts. Maybe it's because I forgot to take my placenta pills this morning, or maybe it's because E is having a hard day, but things just seem so....not fun today.

E is your typical boy. He is full of energy, a little rough and he doesn't realize that not everyone wants to play that way. I know, I know. Some people have told me that boys learn rough behaviour. I think those people have never had a son. Because I guarantee you that we never taught him it, and most of E's friends are girls. I think (most) boys are just programmed to be a bit more rough and energetic. Seriously. It's not a cop-out; it doesn't mean parents don't have to teach them when it's appropriate, they do. But boys just seem to like to wrestle and be a little more rough than girls.  So girl mamas, a little understanding please while I try to teach my son that most girls (and some boys) don't like that kind of play. In return, I will understand when your girls become PMS-riddled teenagers.

What is it about being at your own place that makes kids a little more crazy?  Seriously. We can be out at a playground or at someone else's house and E usually has no problem sharing and playing with other kids. Bring them back to our house and he suddenly finds it necessary to push and yell and hoard toys. A good part of it is due to the fact that this is his turf, he is learning how to share, and usually he doesn't want to (and I would argue shouldn't have to all the time, but that's another post). Regardless, I hate when it happens (be it at home or out and about). I hate "the LOOK" that other adults (even other parents!) give me. That look makes me feel like a terrible parent--that my child is a menace and that I can't control him. Well, I have news for you world. Children are not little adults. That's right! They don't come into the world with knowledge of societal norms. They have to learn these things. And it takes time. Sometimes, a lot of time. I think that a lot of people forget this. Children are affected by so many things, and one hour, day, or even week does not show what that child is ultimately like. I get cranky when I am hungry, tired or sick, so it only makes sense that E does as well. The only difference is that I know how to communicate what is wrong and I can (usually) rectify the situation. Children can't do that. They need our help. Awhile ago, I read a quote that speaks to me:

"My child is not giving me a hard time. He is having a hard time." 

A good friend of mine told me a story of something that happened to her the other day. She was dropping her oldest daughter off at camp and was going to check her in. She was wearing her youngest, and her middle daughter was walking beside her. Both her middle and oldest daughters took off on her. When she finally wrangled them back, her oldest ended up spitting on her. All around her were countless parents just giving her that "look" instead of helping her. She figures that was because their kids are all around ten years old and they forget what these years are like. That may be the case, but I don't think that is an excuse. They were there before too. Their nine, ten, eleven, even twenty year olds were once toddlers. They should remember. They should remember the challenges, and how it feels to think that other parents are judging your parenting skills. They should remember the tears and frustrations as you try to teach your child about societal norms. No child is perfect. And if a parent hasn't gone through any of the hard phases, they either just haven't hit them yet, or they are damn lucky and should buy a lottery ticket. While the benefits are worth it, parenting is hard. Parenting multiple children is harder. Each phase has its own challenges. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, preteens, teenagers all come with their own set of issues. Let's try to remember that and be a little gentler on each other (and ourselves!). And, maybe, if you see that mama struggling with her kids for whatever reason, offer her some help, or some kind words, or even just a smile that says, "I've been there." Trust me, that little bit of kindness might just help that mama get through a hard time.