It's All About the Attitude

Assuming all goes to plan, this will be my third home birth. Lately, I've been retreating into myself more and more as I begin the journey to prepare myself for birthing this baby. With A, I had no idea what to expect after a tough hospital birth and just went with the flow. With L, I wore some serious rose coloured glasses, believing that because I had experienced home birth before that I would be able to achieve a quiet and empowering birth. Ha! That wasn't even remotely close to actual events. This time? This time I'm being more realistic. This time my glasses are clear.

I have given birth 3 times before. Each time, I yell. I scream. I swear like a trucker. I constantly say that I can't do it. No matter what my intentions are going in. No matter how much my midwife, doulas, and husband tell me otherwise. I am most certainly not the picture of calm and serenity that some women are in birth (seriously, how do they do it?!). I do not breathe my babies into the world. I do not dance them down. I fight hard and it's very obvious I am fighting (perhaps having big babies is a part of that!). I know that this time will very likely be similar. I will fight hard to bring this baby into the world. I am sure I will cry and yell. And I am definitely sure that I will swear like a trucker. But this time? This time I am going to use that to my advantage. I will take that strength and channel it back into my body.

My goal for this birth will not be to be quiet and breathe my baby out. I know my body doesn't work that way. And I've felt disappointed in the past that I haven't been able to do that. My goal this time will be to be more positive. I will try to keep my mind focused on positive thoughts...not on the fact that birth is freaking hard and I don't think I can do it. Because I know that is wrong. I know I CAN do it. I've birthed two 10+ lb  babies at home before. I can do it again. I may scream. I may yell. I am sure I will swear like a trucker. But I won't say that I can't do it. Because that isn't true. I can do it and I will do it. Now, I just need to remember this in 3-7 weeks..

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Overdue and Tired

Image
I am now 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I am exhausted, sore and generally moody. The smallest things set me off into an angry, pregnancy rage. Thankfully, mrblueberry is understanding and has been taking it all in stride. It is so hard at this point to be positive. I am trying. I keep repeating those affirmations in my mind. Nobody is pregnant forever. My body and my baby's body know what they are doing. He will come when he is ready. But it is still so difficult. I am starting to worry about risking out of my home birth and having to go to the hospital, and honestly, that scares me. I don't want to have this baby at the hospital. Nothing against hospital births, but I am really looking forward to labouring and birthing this baby in my own, safe space at home. To keep my mind off of things, I have been trying to keep busy. E and I go out every day, even if it is just for some window shopping or for a walk with our dog. I can't just stay at home and stare at the bi...
Read more

Mother Blessing: A Day of Love and Support

Image
My sister applying henna to my belly Today, I was fortunate enough to spend a few hours with some very fabulous women as we celebrated the last few weeks that I have left of this pregnancy. I am so grateful that my sister wanted to organize a mother blessing for me. I have been looking forward to this day for quite a while, and even though there were some chaotic moments with the kids, it didn't disappoint. These fantastic mothers in my life have left me feeling not only loved and supported, but renewed for this last bit of pregnancy. Amazingly, I did not really cry, although there were moments that I was sure I was about to burst into tears. From the meaningful quotes on the fabric for the support banner, to the thoughtful reasons why each person chose the bead they chose, I am not sure how I managed not to! I absolutely love the thought that was put into choosing each and every item. I wish I had written down some of the reasons because I just know I will forget. My sister g...
Read more

Alone in the Storm

Image
I have two amazing and beautiful little boys. I have a husband who is supportive and loves me for who I am. I have family who loves me even though they know my worst traits. I have friends who stick by me and hold me up when I need it, even when I don't deserve it. By all measures, I should be the happiest girl in the world. But I'm not. And I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I am so utterly happy. Moments that the fog lifts and my world feels perfect. But they don't last. Soon enough, the fog returns, clouds darken my skies, and the moment ends. I find myself saying and doing things without thinking more often. My patience has grown so thin that the slightest transgression from my toddler has me losing it. I snap at my husband and friends for no reason. I feel so alone. And I hate it. If I'm being honest, I have been feeling this way for months. I've tried to bring it up with friends, but didn't want to face what they might...
Read more