meditations of a blueberry

Dear Pregnancy, We need to talk.  I'm breaking up with you. That's right. It's over. Please pack up your stuff and exit my life at your earliest convenience. Preferably today. It's not you, it's me. I swear. Okay, it's not me either. It's what you do to me. The heartburn. The heaviness. The emotions. The difficulty in not losing my temper over minuscule things. The back pain. The having to pee a million times in a day. The not being able to lay on my belly. The struggling to put on shoes or socks. The pain of a baby on top of my pubic bone. The feeling of my hips as they widen to allow for birth. The slow, slow, slow walking. The pain of carrying this heavy belly everywhere. The inability to walk up a set of stairs without having to rest. The anticipation of wondering when labour will walk through the door. The longing to meet this baby girl. You really, really aren't good for my mental health.  It's too much. ...

We've always planned to have four children. From the very first conversations we had about kids before we were even married. But the decision of when to have a fourth child wasn't so much a decision as it was a "let's just do this now" random comment after having lost my job. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would happen so quickly. I wasn't even at the start of my cycle when we started trying, and yet, I still got pregnant that cycle. Apparently, this child was destined to join our family. And now, at 36 weeks pregnant, I find myself wondering what the heck I got myself into. How on earth am I supposed to manage four children (under six years of age!) while Mr Blueberry heads back to work a (very) short 3 days after she is born? I am starting to realize how much I took him having the summers off after our other three were born for granted. No wonder I found those transitions easy! I didn't have to worry about my older kids and could just lo...

My guess date is tomorrow. I hit the "40 week" mark tomorrow. I truthfully did not think I would hit it. As much as I know that pregnancy can go safely to 42 weeks (and beyond in many cases), I had my mind made up that this baby would arrive early just like E. Obviously, that was clearly not the case. This little boy must want to pave his own path and not follow his brother's. At this point, I know that it could really happen at any time. Knowing that almost makes things harder. Every little thing makes me wonder if something will be happening soon. Each night I go to bed and wonder if I will awake and know that it is time. I am trying to enjoy what time we have left as a family of three. I know that life is about to become very hectic. I am taking the time to snuggle E when he will let me and to relax and nap when I can. Very soon, I will have a newborn again. It's hard to believe that at one point E was that little. I look at him in his full toddler glory, and wond...