meditations of a blueberry

I have been breastfeeding for a grand total of 27 months and 2 days. You would think I would have figured it out by now. But no. I am still learning. A and E are complete opposites, and it throws me for a loop every, single day. When E was a baby, he wanted to nurse all the time. He was a major comfort nurser. If something was wrong, all I had to do was nurse him and he would be happy again. He would still comfort nurse to this day if I let him. Truthfully, I think that is why he didn't wean in pregnancy. Nursing isn't so much about the milk for him, as it is the comfort. On the other hand, A is NOT a comfort nurser. He nurses when he's hungry, and that's about it. If he's upset, he does NOT want to nurse. And if he's also hungry, I need to calm him first before trying to nurse him. If I don't, it just pisses him off more. It has been VERY hard to get used to. I still find myself trying to nurse him when he's upset even though I know it won't work. H...

If you are in the mommy world at all, then you have likely seen the new cover of Time magazine. Heck, even if you aren't, I am sure you have seen it. News stations and talk shows seem to be all a flutter about it. In the odd chance that you haven't, check it out here . My sister posted that link to my Facebook wall yesterday morning. At first, I was floored and excited that such a mainstream and popular magazine was portraying extended breastfeeding...and on the cover no less! But then I looked closer. And I was disappointed. Not only does the photo itself seem to have been chosen solely for shock value (really, even the "drive by" nursing moments are not like this), but the caption made my heart sink. In the link I gave you, there are so many other, better photos that they could have chosen that truly show what extended breastfeeding looks like. I can only imagine how the photo they did choose for the cover is going to "add fuel to the fire" to those who ar...

Breastfeeding in pregnancy sucks (no pun intended), especially this late in pregnancy. I have been breastfeeding for 22 months, and I have been pregnant for almost 34 weeks of that. As is expected this late in pregnancy , I don't have any milk left. It is fully colostrum and there isn't much of that there. And yet, E still wants to nurse at least two times a day. I have been just taking each day as it comes and going with the flow, but the other day I think I may have hit a road block. While nursing E for his nap, he started doing that awful fluttery suck as he was falling asleep. Normally, I can block out the annoyance this suck brings until he is asleep. Not that day. That day I felt my body rebelling against nursing him. I started to cry because I wanted him off so badly. I felt my body pulling away from him unconsciously. I wanted to push him off of my lap. I became nauseous and almost actually threw up. It was terrible. The same thing almost happened at bedtime, but I told...

Breastfeeding a toddler while pregnant is not easy. I went into this with the full knowledge that it would be hard. But I didn't realize HOW hard. Once E and I figured out the whole breastfeeding thing, I committed myself to allowing him to self-wean. I have held the belief that that is what is best for him since he was about two months old. Now that E is 20 months old, I am starting to question that belief. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely still think it's best to let the child self-wean. And I would love for him to make the decision to stop when he is ready. But my body is starting to feel worn down. At 26 weeks pregnant, with my big belly in the way, breastfeeding is not the easy thing it used to be. My milk is more or less gone, and it has begun to change to colostrum. When E nurses, it's usually dry nursing. Dry nursing is not comfortable. It makes me restless. When he latches on, I often find myself wishing he would wean, or crying, or grimacing because that ini...

After 19 months and 2 weeks exactly, it is looking like it might be very close to the end of my breastfeeding relationship with E. I have had plenty of milk up until a couple of days ago when I noticed that my supply had really plummeted. I suppose that the pregnancy hormones have finally overpowered the lactation hormones and my milk is turning back to colostrum. I went into this pregnancy with the attitude that I would just let nature take its course. I decided that I would let E decide when he was done, and that I wouldn't force him to wean. And I have. But it doesn't make it any easier to realize that my milk is pretty much gone. I don't remember the last time I heard E swallow during nursing. And when I try to express anything after he's tried to nurse, there is nothing there. Barely even a drop. Unlike before when even after he was done, I could continue to express a fair amount of milk. What is most heartbreaking for me is that E isn't really ready to b...

If I thought that nobody had prepared me for breastfeeding a toddler, then I was absolutely unprepared for breastfeeding a toddler while pregnant. When we began the journey of trying to conceive this baby, I knew that the breastfeeding relationship that E and I had established would change and grow and possibly end. It's just a sad fact that some babies will wean when the mother gets pregnant, due to multiple reasons (less milk, change in taste, etc). I had hoped that this wouldn't be the case with E, but I was (am) determined to take things day by day. While I secretly hope to tandem nurse the new baby and E, I did not want to get my hopes up expecting him to not wean. I know several ladies whose milk dried up in the first trimester, and knew I would be heartbroken if he weaned when I was expecting to nurse him longer. But here we are. Seventeen weeks in, and no sign of weaning from my 18 month old yet. E is still nursing the same amount, more or less, than he was prior to th...