My Healthy Revolution: Perspective and Change
Last night, I attended a sharing circle with Mother Haven and momstown as part of momstown's Fit Mamas program. I wasn't sure what I would get out of it, but I knew it would be amazing. During that hour of sharing, I listened as the other women talked about how they now see their bodies as strong, how they were proud of themselves for sticking with something that was FOR THEM, and how they are happy that they made the effort and met their bodies where they were. I listened and shared my thoughts about how I have felt about my own journey. And I came to some realizations.
This training has been hard. Harder than I ever imagined. And the lead up to the "big day" is full of anticipation and nerves. I just want it to be over! We keep comparing training to the lead up to birth. And every run, I have to talk myself through it just like my doulas talked me through labour. "Just one more step." "You got this." "One foot in front of the other." "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." I never realized how accurate the metaphor that labour and birth are just like running a marathon actually is. It is hard. So hard that I can't believe I haven't hung up my running shoes and quit. I have a stubborn streak a
mile wide, but I've never been one to stick with exercise. And, to be
honest, I haven't even thought once that I wanted to quit. There were moments on a run when the tears would start and I would think, "I can't do this anymore." I would look beside me and see someone else pushing themselves and just that pushed me enough to keep moving. And then, the tears would come again because I had kept going when I thought I couldn't. As the days have gone on, and the runs have gotten longer, they have also gotten faster. How is it possible that back in November I could barely run for three minutes at a time at a VERY slow pace? That 5 km seemed like an eternity? And now, on Saturday I will be running for over two hours, at a much faster pace, and I am hoping to hit 19 km! It's incredible. My body has changed so much and has become so strong. This training has changed my perspective on everything too. Before, 30 minutes of running seemed like an eternity. Now, 30 minutes is a short run. Before, I would have never gone out in -28 C windchill to run. Now, I throw on another layer and head on out anyway. Before, I would choose to drive a few blocks no matter the weather. Now, I regularly walk the few blocks it is to the library with the boys...and it feels way shorter than it ever did before. The other night I walked to the rec center to go swimming and lost my driver's license on the walk over. I ran back to the house looking for it, then ran back to the pool and I wasn't even remotely out of breath. Before, I would have said, "Screw it" and stayed home after I found it. Before, I saw my body for what it wasn't--not skinny enough, not in my pre-pregnancy clothes, not blemish free. It was lumpy and bumpy and frumpy. Now, I see it for what it is--strong, muscular, amazing (I grew TWO humans!). I can look at the stretch marks and signs of motherhood and see them for what they are--signs that my body created, grew, sustained, and nourished two beautiful boys. I look back and compare the photos I took of it then to now and am blown away. Truthfully, blown away. The change is amazing.
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| November 21, 2012 |
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| April 2, 2013 |
If there is only one thing that I will take away and cherish from this part of the journey, it is perspective. I used to say that I wasn't a runner, but I was running. Well, I think I can finally say that not only am I running, but I am a runner. Perspective sure is an amazing thing.
**Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this journey--my family, my friends, my team mates, and even strangers I have never met. I appreciate it all. To those who have donated and helped me reach my $3000 goal, thank you! You have helped to make life a little easier for those suffering with blood cancer! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Want to donate still? You can! Check out my link or my team's link for more information.**
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